


Sound to the Sea

by Tenebrous



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Merpeople, Eren Yeager Sees The Ocean, F/F, F/M, It's boring, M/M, Merman!Eren, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Build, These tags man!, punk!Levi (kindof)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-17
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-03-18 08:54:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3563696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tenebrous/pseuds/Tenebrous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>-On Hiatus. Will Return Spring 2018-</p><p>Levi works at a tackle/gift shop on the shore of the nearby sound he has known all his life. It's a shitty job that is decidedly dead end, and it matches how his life seems to be going thus far. He's 34 years old, unmarried, between professions, and decidedly inebriated half the time. He lives day to day and is disinterested in most everything. Everything, that is, until he starts seeing strange things out on the sound at night, and something keeps stealing his bait, something massive and very smart. Well, smarter than a normal, stupid fish, anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stupid Dinky Fan

* * *

 

-June-

      It wasn’t just that it was hot outside. That little issue wasn’t even really what made the late afternoon the worst part of the day, oh no. What made it unbearably shitty in this town was the goddamn humidity. 100 degrees Fahrenheit is not fun by any means, but add 100% humidity and you get an unfuckingbearable steamy soup of air. Air that sticks wetly to your throat, and somehow manages to pool your sweat in the most obnoxious and unspeakable places.

     ‘You could cut the air with a knife.’ Levi thought with a deep frown, and slumped further down on the counter. He would kill for some air conditioning at this point. Why was he in here sweating and miserably hot? Oh yes. The whole living thing. The needing money to succeed in the living thing. He really wished Erwin had more than a single fan to keep the air moving in the whole store.

      It was one of those stupid fans that was designed to look like a boat propeller. It hung over him menacingly, wobbling worse and worse every day.  He decided not to inform Erwin. Honestly, he couldn’t wait for it to finally give up its pitiful hold on the ceiling and fall and brain him.

      He let his eyes wander around the shop. What a dump. He’d cleaned the shop countless times since he’d started working here, but there was only so much a human being could do. Old and grody was an understatement.

      The windows had so many scratches that they looked clouded and dirty, but since they were the expensive type that could withstand hurricane force winds, he was not about to pay out of pocket for new ones. No matter how insane it drove him that they appeared filthy. No matter how insane it drove him that Erwin paid a ridiculous amount for renovations. Fuck him and his money, anyway.

      The whole place looked like it might as well have been built out of colonial ships. The wood was so old and grey in places, that it looked downright ancient, not to mention the antique ‘still-lit-at-night’ gas lamps that still hung from the ceiling…along with antique fish netting lining the top portions of the walls. What the fuck was this place? A haunted lair for a pirate Scooby Doo villain?

      He could practically hear Erwin explaining and scolding him (not unlike a child) about his attitude towards the décor. “It’s atmosphere, Levi! You know, for the tourists and such. It’s supposed to be fun.” This was a weak defense case for the fire hazard ‘gas lamps a la shitty ghost ship’ look, in Levi’s opinion, anyway. Erwin claimed fun.

      Levi claimed a life insurance policy.

      It wouldn’t have been necessary, really, he wasn’t about to try and save the store if it caught on fire. Well, he wouldn’t have had he not now been living over the top of it in the world’s shittiest studio flat (If you could call it that) in the loft. At least the dinky little hovel upstairs had AC. Added, the window wasn’t as dirty…Yep. The window. Not windows plural. He had one window to peek out of upstairs, from the loft. It overlooked the sound. He had to admit, though, watching the sun rise and set over the water was pretty fucking sweet.

      If only he didn’t have to share the view with the spiders. The stubborn bastards refused to move out.  No matter how, (Levi had made it goddamn clear) unwelcome they were.

      He really should be paid more, this shitty job not only required him to clean the dirty old store, but also stock, be the cashier, and finally make/dispense the lemonade from the long suffering little juice machine. He was almost always the only one working in this crap heap.

       Mikasa was still in school, and honestly, he wanted her to make something of herself and have a bit of fun in life. Hell, she was still his baby cousin. He didn’t care that she was 22, she’d always be his little ‘Kasa. Whenever she showed up to help with stocking or whatnot, he’d usually shoo her off halfway through. She wasn’t being paid, and it really wasn’t fair to her. He was pretty sure she had an on and off girlfriend ’…or was it a boyfriend?’ …’who the fuck cares.’ She had people to see and things to do, school to get through, since Uni was not and is not a walk in the park, he really felt it deserved her attention.

      He recalled the face she’d made when he’d told her about getting this stupid job in the first place.

 

* * *

 

-Three Months Prior-

 

_“You’re gonna be working down at the Garrison Store?” Mikasa had cornered him on their uncle’s boat as he was getting his crab trap set up._

_He fixed her with a pointed look. “Looks like it.” Who the hell told her he was gonna work for Erwin? Goddammit._

_She grimaced and fixed him with an equally pointed stare from her beady, dark brown eyes.“I thought that little place closed down years ago when we were kids.” She was annoyed and it was obvious to no one but Levi. Her cool demeanor would fool most others, but he could pull her out of her shell, and unfortunately, pull her wrath out, too._

_Levi smirked as he closed the bait in its little section of the cage. He’d take this easy and slow. “Tch. It closed back in ’94, but Erwin decided to reopen and fix the place up. He’s got the cash, he bought it out from the old owner a few months ago. He told me the renovations were gonna be done next month. Plus, he offered me living space above the shop.” Levi flicked the left snakebite in his lower lip. “ I can’t keep staying with Kenny. You know how much of an asshole the old fuck is.”_

_Mikasa leaned back against the ladder to the top control of the boat. “I was just thinking, you could do better, or whatever.” She tucked a loose strand of her short black hair behind her ear. “You’ve been to school, you got your degree over ten years ago. Why not keep looking for more work in your profession? I mean, you’ve got the fucking experience to rule your field.” She looked downcast.”I don’t know, why not work in the Environmental Scouting Legion? You know, with Erwin instead of for him. It’s what you specialize in, anyway.”_

_He piqued an eyebrow “Language, dingus, it’s unflattering for ladies to swear.”_

_She rolled her eyes so far back in to her head he only saw white for a creepy moment. “I’m not a lady, Levi. I’m just me. Besides, I learned from the best.”_

_He cracked a small smile. What a great influence he was._

_The hair she had tucked back flopped in to her face again. She huffed at it through the corner of her mouth. “But really. I know you’re just dodging my question. So, I’ll repeat myself. Why not keep looking?”_

_Levi sighed and lowered the crab trap under the water. “It’s not like I’m not looking, ok? There just aren’t any jobs open around here for me right now, but while I wait for a position, I can’t just sit by idly. I can’t afford to fucking sit here twiddling my thumbs. So I gotta work in the mean time, no big deal. It’s not forever. You don’t have to be all mother hen about my job life.” The submerged crab trap buoy bobbed dully. He glanced at his cousin. Her move._

_“I’m not being a mother hen or whatever.” She puffed again at that annoying lock of hair. She flicked his head with her index finger. “You’re such a fuckhead, you know that?”_

_Shots fired._

_His eyes narrowed. “Oh, I’m a fuckhead, huh? Really?” He stood up, starting to get just a smidge irritated. He realized with further irritation that he had to look up at her. Curse his height anyway._

_It was as if she could read his mind, “A short one, glaring at me from way down there.” She sneered a bit. He had indeed taught her well._

_Something in him broke. Faster than she could react, Levi swung his body low and forward, scooping MIkasa up on his shoulder like a board._

_“Hey!” She wriggled. “Levi, come on!”_

_He started walking down the boat ramp towards the edge of the pier._

_Mikasa really started to panic. She used her fists to cuff his back, probably leaving bruises. She was pretty strong. “Levi, no.  Come on, cuz, no!” Her normal composure      broken. “Oh, no!”_

_Oh yes._

_Levi had reached the edge of the pier. “Any last words?”_

_She had gone limp. No longer fighting him. “…You’re the worst.”_

_“Yep.” Levi then flipped her over and ungraciously dumped her into the chilly, March water of the sound._

_At first nothing, then a split second later, it was like a small explosion had gone off in the water. “FUCK! LEVI! FUCK YOU! FUCKING SISSY LITTLE GIRL! I’LL RIP THOSE STUPID GAUGES OUT OF YOUR MIDGET EARS!” Cold droplets flew everywhere. She thrashed furiously and grabbed a hold of the ladder. “JESUS CHRIST, LEVI! YOU DESERVE THAT STUPID JOB. I’M GLAD ERWIN CHOSE YOU FOR THAT CRAP HEAP!”_

_If looks could kill, he’d be in the morgue in ten minutes, cold, and on a slab._

_Levi leaned over the pier and let a lazy smile make its way leisurely across his face. ”By the way…when it closed? That was not when WE were kids. I was a kid in the 90’s, ‘Kasa. You, were a snotty, baby brat. Respect your elders n shit, got it?”_

_Mikasa climbed out of the water. She looked like a cold and bedraggled, wet cat. She shivered in the cool air. “Man, lay off…” Her teeth chattered. “You win! Happy?” She gestured towards the boat. “Just get me a towel.”_

_Oh my god, she was just like a younger him, she didn’t even say please. It was too much. He started laughing._

_“Are you serious?” Her expression was venomous. “You fucking asshole.  Stop being a smug pos and get me a towel. It’s too cold for this shit!”_

_“Hey, language! Christ, you’re so fucking vulgar.”_

_The irony was not lost on either of them._

_Mikasa’s rage filled look calmed a bit and she smirked a little._

_Levi ceased his chuckles and wiped a tear from his eye. He pulled her in for a hug. “Here, Kenny doesn’t have shit for towels on that stupid boat, but I’ll keep you warm for a minute till I run and get you one from my car.” He’d held his little cousin like that for a few minutes before jogging back to his car and getting her a towel._

_That evening had been one of him inviting her over to Kenny’s shitty apartment for movies and cocoa while he was out on the oil rig. They’d both showered off the water from the sound, and after cleaning his car with some wipes, he’d lent her some sweats and a t-shirt that Hanji had left laying about for months until he’d snapped and washed them._

_His mission to cool her off: success._

 

* * *

 

 _-_ June-

 

      He’d heard no more mothering crap from her on the job and life matters. Which, really, was very good. He didn’t need her telling him what his stupid conscience did all day, every day.

       A car pulling up and a subsequent crash outside brought him out of his temporary reverie. Great. Customers, and based on the noise, he knew exactly who it was.


	2. Pen and Teller

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi gets some info on his bait thief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't know who Pen and Teller are, you really should look them up, they're amazing.

  Based on the loud clang and subsequent crash, Levi knew he’d have to go put that stupid metal pelican sculpture that sat outside, upright again. (Another lovely Erwin touch to the shit shack. Spared no Expense.) Oh yes. Was it really that time, already?

      Levi glanced at the clock on the wall. (Of course it had a stupid ship’s steering wheel framing it.) Yep. 4:30 in the afternoon. They never failed.

      “Connie, come on! Please! I said I was sorry!” A girl’s voice. Loud. Annoying. Slight southern twang.

      Levi winced.

      More rustling, and the car engine cut off. The sound of a car door slamming alerted him that they were on their way inside.

      He quickly darted under the counter and grabbed his flask. “Five a clock somewhere. Here’s to my hombres on the other side.” He took four deep gulps of whiskey. Wincing from the burn, he slid the flask back into its protected little nest under the counter. He’d had a fifth earlier, and it wasn’t kicking in nearly fast enough to deal with this. He straightened up just as the pair walked in the door, ringing that stupid little bell.  _Goddess of alcohol, give me strength to deal with these morons_.

      “No, Sasha.” That would be Connie. “I just waxed her, and you hit that pelican thing. AGAIN!” Shaved head, impish and outgoing personality, and a big obnoxious mouth, the latter of which contrasted sharply with his height. Levi was pretty sure Connie was at least an inch shorter than himself. (Small victories. Whatever.)

      “Connie, it wasn’t on purpose, and you know manual is tough for me, come oonnnnn!” That would be Sasha. Also loud, also impish and outgoing, and also with a big, obnoxious mouth. She was normal in height, however; sporting hair that somehow reminded him of Hanji’s, aka almost always in an incredibly messy ponytail.

      Levi noted that they had carried in their stupid bags as per usual, each one with that shitty logo patch that Sasha had made for their rag tag 'Investigative Team'. One, the standard duffel bag for Connie, and two, a backpack and satchel for Sasha. He pinned a smile on his face. “Well, now, if it isn’t Penn and Teller. How can I help you two? (idiots)”

      “Sasha, no, you can’t drive-“ Connie looked up, took one look and laughed heartily, elbowing Sasha. “Oh, wow! That’s rich right there.” He slapped his knee. “Man, Levi, stop trying to smile! You look like a serial killer!”

      Sasha peered at him and laughed obnoxiously as well. “Nah, don’t listen to him, Levi, you always need to make that face. It’s great!”

      Levi frowned, annoyed. What the fuck was that supposed to mean, anyway?

      “There we go! That’s the Levi we know and love!” Connie shifted his duffel bag from his shoulder and placed it near the door. Levi continued to glare, his right eyebrow twitched once.  _Goddamn whiskey, kick in. I need you, now._  “So what brings you two in on this particular afternoon? The usual shit?” He gestured outside to his small, private pier on the sound.

      “Ha! So formal!” Sasha chirped. “We actually dropped by for our  _usual snacks_ , and honestly, the net you sold us before didn’t work.” She grinned. “We’d like a refund on that.”

      He paused for a moment, flicking his snake bite with his tongue (pensive habit). “Nope.” Levi grinned, for real this time, and pointed up at the sign over his shoulder.

      “Levi, that sign says ‘Cash-Only’.”

      “You bet your ass, it does.” Wasn’t his fault that stupid netting didn’t work. They probably fucked up somehow all on their own.

      “Levi, that doesn't make any sense-“

      “Not my problem. Buy something or shoo. Be gone with you.”

      “Aw, Levi, don’t be like that, man!” Connie walked up to the counter. “You know we’re only trying to help! It’d be like you buying 15 dollars worth security for your crab trap bait, no sweat, you know? Plus, we do wanna get snacks, remember?”

      “Yeah, yeah.” Levi began the ingrained routine of battle that involved getting their snacks. “Two lemonades, right?” He put on the large (stained) apron he had hanging on a hook next to the machine.

      “Yep!” Sasha beamed, the net refund forgotten momentarily. “Strawberry syrup in mine!”

      “25 cents extra.” (gross) Levi pulled on a pair of woodshop-style protective safety glasses.

      “I know. It’s worth it!”

      “Whatever.” Levi walked over to the sputtering little juice machine that looked like it had hit its stride in the prohibition era. (Prepare for battle!) He grabbed two of the large cups, to one of which he added three squirts of that nasty strawberry grenadine he kept stocked by the machine. He then braced himself, using a towel in one hand and the cup in the other he did his best not to spill the lemonade. It was not an easy feat.

     This old fart of a dispenser may have been the hoopty-king of juice machines, but it did its best to make up for that…by firing a torrent of juice through the little spigot like a firehose. It had once come out with enough force to break the bottom of a lemonade cup.

 _Goddammit Erwin, I bet you bought this little monster on purpose_. Levi held his breath and pushed down on the little spigot lever. At first, the machine didn’t even respond, it just whirred loudly as usual. Then three seconds later, it shivered once, and he heard it let out a loud clang from its internal pressure system. This was it. The old coot was particularly moody today.

      He heard the rush of liquid inside the little pipe before he saw it.

      The machine did not disappoint, if anything the juice exceeded pumping expectations, it came out rapidly with a loud sputtering hiss. Juice promptly flew everywhere.

      “Sweet fuck all, this goddamn hunk of junk!” Lemonade bounced in the cup and splattered his safety glasses (they weren’t just for show), his shirt that wasn’t protected by the apron, and even his hair. He already felt disgusting, but fuck if he was gonna back down. At this point, it was a matter of honor.

      Sasha and Connie watched both amused and entranced as Levi struggled to fill up their cups and loudly cussed out the dispenser. This debacle was always a great show. There was just something magical about watching grumpy people get taken through the ringer by a lemonade machine. Well, that, and the delicious fact that the lemonade Levi made was phenomenal.

      After what felt like an eternity, Levi cut off the little spigot and removed his now freshly battle scarred gear. His hair dripped a bit. “For fuck's sakes.” Disgusting. “Here you go, you two.” He shoved the lemonades into each recepient’s eager hands. “Anything else?”

      Sasha was too busy gulping down the beverage to answer.

      “Yeah, uh, two packs of beef jerky, and one large bag of BBQ Lays.” Connie sipped his lemonade. Best to savor drinks like this.

      “Pwaaaaah!” Sasha took in a huge gasp of air as she finished her lemonade (new record). “Make that two bags!”

      Connie huffed a small laugh. “Fine, yeah, you’re right. She’ll just hog the one bag to herself.”

      “Ok, then.” Levi rang up the items on the cash register and grabbed the four bags of treats. It came out as $10.24. He inwardly smiled. “That’ll be $12, even.”

      Connie gave him a squinty eye. “You’re rounding up. That’s cold, bro.”

      “I deserve a fucking Nobel Peace Prize for getting you two shits lemonade every goddamn day.” Levi countered as he shoved the chips and jerky into a bag.

      Sasha nudged Connie and grinned. “You're right, it’s fine! We’ll pay whatever, we always tip, anyway.”

      Connie nodded. The logic was sound, and Levi did go out of his way for them. Most other customers (tourists) would just be told the machine was broken.

      “Yeah, and about that net you sold us?” Sasha wheedled. Of fucking course she wouldn’t have been being so nice for no self benefit. Wily little shit.

      Levi sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Already sticky. goddammit. “Look, you two.”

      They perked up, hopeful.

      “I can’t just ask someone to do something for me, something as simple as catching the fish or whatever the fuck it is stealing all my bait.” His vision tilted a tiny bit. Oh good. (‘Bout time, goddess of alcohol.) “To top it off, I actually paid you two to do something about it, or at least figure out what was stealing my bait” He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “and after a month of your stupid stake-outs, weird-ass cameras, crappy filming equipment, fucking explosions-“

      “We said we were sorry about your laundry, we bought you like ten new shirts. Besides, I told you, the firecrackers were a way to alert us if the trap was being touched or something-“ Connie, of course.

      “-and shut up, that’s idiotic”

      Connie returned to nursing his lemonade.

      Levi continued. “…where was I?” He though back. “...Right. Explosions-“

      “-I think your phrase was ‘fucking ex-‘ Sasha started.

      “-and  _you_  can shut the  _fuck_  up.” Levi interjected.

      Sasha closed her mouth so fast, her teeth clacked together audibly.

      “…anyway,  _fucking_ -” He glared at Sasha, who cringed. (Good.) “-explosions, your noodling around for fish, your garbage on my lawn, you knocking over that fucking metal monstrosity of a bird over every other goddamn day, and the fact that you keep using my bathroom every night that you camp out here…you have come up with what, exactly?”

      “Right. Yeah, um, well.” Connie pursed his lips and looked everywhere humanly possible that was not Levi. “

      "We managed to find out plenty.” Sasha puffed up a bit, new determination glowing in her eyes. “For starters, we think you could have a genuine sea monster on your hands.”

      Connie choked on his lemonade and started coughing. He waved his non-busy hand in a rapid whirl. “Oh no, no, no!” He sputtered between coughs. “We aren’t going with that, Sasha, no. That is NOT our official statement!”

      Levi just stared for a moment before the full effect of the exchange registered. Was this real life? These two. They couldn’t be for real. It was too rich. He scoffed at Sasha and kindly informed her of the obvious. “You better listen to Teller.” Levi grabbed a rag from the underneath the register and began wiping the counter down for the 15th time that day. “That’s the stupidest shit I ever heard.”

      Sasha puffed out her face angrily. “No, Connie, it’s true! Tell him, come on! We have proof!” She grabbed him while pointing at his duffel. “We got evidence on Connie’s video camera! For real! There wasn’t any sound, since it doesn't pick it up…”

      Levi raised an eyebrow. “Shouldn’t a video camera, especially one with night vision, be able to record sound?”

      This time it was Connie who glared at Sasha, “Well, it did.” he said. “Until  _someone_ , spilled soda all over it in the car. It’s kindof a miracle that it works at all.”

      Sasha made a face. “I wouldn’t have spilled it if you hadn’t stopped at that red light.”

      “No…you wouldn’t have spilled it if you hadn’t snuck it in to my car in the first place.” Connie exclaimed, exasperated. “My car is a food free zone! You know that!”

      “You never said anything about drinks…”

      “Sasha!-“

      “ENOUGH!” Levi spat.

      They both froze. His tone was dripping with acid.

      “I don’t  _care_  about your shitty camera.” He took a deep breath and tried to focus his increasingly blurring vision. (Goddess of alcohol, you just keep on giving.) “Just tell me what it did manage to record.”

      Sasha pounced on the opportunity. “We caught a sea monster on film, I swear! It’s huge, like in those old sailor stories? Creatures from the dark depths of the ocean! Huge monsters that sunk ships on the high seas-“

      “This sound doesn’t get deeper than 30 feet, tops.” Levi said in a dead pan tone.

      “Well, maybe not as big as those sea monsters,” Sasha drawled with a shit eating grin. “but it was still massive!”

      “You’re gonna get us freaking fired, Sasha…”

      Sasha stared again at the duffel bag and pulled Connie’s sleeve. “Come on, Connie, show him! It’s like something off *River Monsters”

      “Ah, alright. I’ll show him. He’s not gonna go for it, though.” Connie walked over to his previously discarded duffel and pulled out a small camera. He opened the screen on the side and scrolled to the video in question. “Here.” He handed Levi the camera.

      Levi stared at the stupid device. It had what appeared to be fifty million buttons.

      “You just gotta press play, it’s the small silver symbol on the left of the screen.” Connie explained.

      “Tch.” Levi pushed the touch screen play button. The screen began showing the recording. It was obviously night time, everything had that green infrared glow. The scene was one he was familiar with. There was the dilapidated boat shed outside, there was the huge live oak that dwarfed it. Of course the old dock that housed his crab traps, their dutiful buoys glistening. Connie was the one holding the camera, since Levi could see Sasha eating a Twizzler, while grinning and watching the water, it was weird how night vision on cameras made her hair appear blonde, despite its chocolate colour. He saw her mouth moving. (Of course she would talk during a stake-out.)

      Suddenly, the camera went crazy. Sasha looked like she was probably shouting at this point, her eyes were wide and she frantically pointed out on the water of the sound. The camera then apparently had a seizure and then focused and zoomed in to the furthest crab trap.

      Despite the shaking, Levi indeed saw a large splash, and underneath the water for a brief second, the shine of scales. Really? That was the great sea monster?

      The film stopped.

      “That’s all you got?” Levi questioned. “It was probably just a good sized fish. It’s got nothing to do with whatever is stealing my fucking bait.” He snorted and handed Connie back his camera.

      “Are you kidding?!” Sasha was indignant. “That was obviously not an ordinary fish! How would it have known when I said I saw it? Didn’t you see? It wasn’t freaking out before. It must’ve heard me, and understood or something.”

      Levi sighed. “How the fuck should I know what you said, there wasn’t any sound…no. NO. That doesn’t matter, anyway. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that shouting like an imbecile will spook fish-“

       Sasha opened her mouth to retort.

      “-no matter what nonsense you were spewing about it behind its back.” He finished with a frown.

      She was quiet, then.

 _**No  fucking quarter._ “Alright you two, tonight is the last night I’m letting you do your little stake-out.” Levi was done with this whole ordeal.

      “Hey man, come on now! We’re just getting our investigative team started! It’s gonna take us time to get everything right.” Connie was sounding a bit desperate.

      Levi finished wiping down the counter.“You’ve had two months. Two. Months. Plenty of time. If you don’t have anything by tomorrow, don’t come back. You hear me?”

      They looked quite crest fallen. “Levi, please-“

      Levi didn’t let Connie finish. “Did I fucking stutter?”

      Connie hung his head in defeat.

      “Ok. Now go set up your stupid camp and get OUT of my store. Keep the stupid food. I don’t want your money, anyway.”  _Wait, what?_  Before he could filter what he said and take it back, they had both sported identical grins and raced out the door with the chips and jerky. The goddess of alcohol was fickle, it seemed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder what that large fish could possibly be. heh.  
> Hrm. My friend proofreads my work frequently, and often says that my writing is often quite funny. I personally don't see it, but if you can find the humor that my friend can, that's great. If not, that's a-ok. We're in the same humorless boat together.  
> Please tell me what you like and don't like. Cheers! 
> 
> *River Monsters is a show about huge and/or scary fish in rivers. Hence the title.  
> **'No Quarter' is a an old military phrase akin to 'Take no Prisoners'.


	3. The Calm before the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi fights another war with unwanted guests.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was hard as hell to write. The spider part though, not so much. I hope you enjoy.

     Levi had, of course, on principle, needed to walk outside and drag that massive, (massively stupid) metal pelican into an upright position; so it could greet customers on the sidewalk (and hopefully make children cry). He took note of the newest pelican shaped dent on the front bumper of Connie’s old, red Isuzu Trooper, courtesy of Sasha. (Heh)

     He grunted as he wrapped both hands around the stupid pelican’s beak, and began the process of lifting it up. Maneuvering that huge pile of metal was undoubtly a chore. It was moments like this that he wished he was like he used to be, i.e. in better shape. At least while he struggled, he got to watch those idiots set up camp.

     Well, as per usual, they were attempting to set up camp. Poorly.

     Sasha had set up their stupid tent poles too close, so the tent looked like a deflated parachute, Connie was busy setting up the camera equipment. Backwards, Levi noted. ‘How long before he figures it out?’

     A storm of cusses from the camp site gave him the affirmative.

     Levi smirked as the pelican was finally upright and facing the parking lot once again. It of course came at the cost of him being drenched in sweat. (Disgusting) He combed his still sticky lemonade hair back with some difficulty and made his way back inside. _Time to get back to the insufferable indoor grind_.

     The fan whirred lazily above in greeting as he stepped across the threshold. Levi dragged his feet a bit before heading for the usual destination: behind the counter (jail cell). He leaned on said counter and retrieved his flask from the nest, nursing it a bit.

     His phone buzzed once angrily from his pocket. One buzz was an incoming text, not a call. He couldn’t (didn’t want to) deal with a call.

     Levi looked at the sender. Petra. “Tch. Figures.” He started to unlock his phone so he could read it.

     Several Car doors slammed outside.

     ‘Hold that thought, Petra.’ Levi shoved his phone back into his pocket.

     The tourists of the late afternoon had arrived. Of course, after Connie and Sasha had fucked off out by the sound to set up camp, _tourists_ had to come in. They made Pen and Teller look tame. Crappy, crooked parking, the stink of sunscreen, and the biggest tell, their beautifully tragic Hawaiian print shirts. These factors were always enough to make Levi want to vomit. In they poured, all commenting on the stupid décor like it was the best thing since sliced bread; spreading their sunscreen stink everywhere.

      _Let’s do this._

_\-------_

     Levi sighed and fumbled around for his flask. (finally) The rush was over, the tourists had vacated.

     They’d all bought the usual shit that tourists buy, more fucking sunscreen, mugs with the island name, shark’s teeth, a boogie board, sex wax for surf and skim boards, a fishing pole, and of course, one man even asked if he rented out kayaks. One old hag in particular had asked for lemonade.

     It was so, so very tragic that the store was completely sold out. 

     Her face even more so.

     That evening’s particular batch of tourists had actually succeeded in not annoying him as much as usual. Well, except one kid who had come in with his father. That little guy wasn’t looking for a souvenir, he was looking for a new friend. He’d spent at least ten minutes in front of the hermit crab cage, picking the perfect one.

      _They’re all the fucking same, kid. Pick one and get out._

     By the time they’d walked out, his dad had spent at least 25 bucks on a bunch of shit for that brat. He’d gotten the Full Animal Care Monty: hermit crab food, hermit crab heating lamp, hermit crab sponge, small hermit crab tank, an equally small hermit crab, despite it pinching him the first time he held it, (good for you, crablet) and even a hermit crab care book (goddamn, kid, you’re gonna treat the little pinching son of a bitch like a fucking king). He’d even had the audacity to ask Levi what his name was, since he wanted to name the crab after the grumpy clerk. ‘You remind me of each other!’ was the smiling reason.

    _Fuck that kid._

     Levi eyed the ship wheel clock like a hawk after the father and son had waltzed out. 7:50 p.m. Ten minutes, he took a swig of whiskey; eight minutes, another swig; five minutes, two swigs; one minute, another swig; and….8:00pm. It was officially time to close up shop.

     The one time of the day that was even a bit cathartic. “Goodnight, fuckwads!” Levi drained the flask. “You are big business’ problem now! Suck it!” He flicked off the air drunkenly in the direction of the nearest *Wings. Levi stumbled a tiny bit as he pounced from behind the counter and viciously turned the corny sign in the entrance window from ‘ _Ahoy! We’re **OPEN**!_ _Come on in_!’ to ‘ _Avast!_ _We’re **CLOSED** , sorry!_’.

 _Oh, Erwin, you pretentious fuck, I’m never sorry_.

\------------------

     After dusting everything, cleaning the hermit crab cage, reorganizing the stock, and watering the plants, Levi had just one more job: Clean the dirty old floor. This was in reality, no trouble at all. It was simple as sweeping up, and then mopping down the sales floor. He often got lost in it.

     He had just finished sweeping and mopping the floor, when he turned his head and checked the clock. 9:15. “Well, shit!” (He done got lost in it.) A half hour had passed without him even noticing.

     That meant that the shipment truck had been yet another no show. If it didn’t show up before 9:00pm, the truck would, without fail, show the following morning at 5:00 fucking am.

     He’d have to not only be up at 5, but he’d also have to stock in the morning. Again. What a pain.

     Levi attempted to take another drink from his flask only to find, and subsequently remember, that it was empty. (goddess of alcohol, you’re a stingy bitch) He looked out the scratched up door window as he locked up shop.

     In the dim light of night, Sasha and Connie had their camping lantern on and were obviously busy not working. He watched as Sasha pulled out the chips and jerky and offered some to Connie, who threw back his head in what was probably laughter. _Goddammit._

     He peeled himself away from the view before he could storm out there and set the both of them and their tent, on fire. Levi turned and walked back towards the center of the store, glaring at everything, as if he was daring the inanimate objects to be out of place or dirty. After that final inspection, he deemed the shop clean and organized enough, so he cut the lights and made his way briskly, upstairs. “Another day done.” _One down, fiftymillion to go._

     It was on the fifth creaky stair that Levi remembered the text he had received earlier from Petra. _Shit._ He didn’t normally wait such a long time to text back.

     She’d most likely think he was ignoring her, or worse, she’d freak out. That broad took everything personally.

     Levi rapidly fumbled around in his pocket and whipped out his phone. Of course, in his fervor, his foot that was supposed to land on the next stair, skimmed it and opted for thin air, instead. “Oh Sh-” It was a precarious moment, but the likely tumble back down the stairs was averted as he reached out and gripped the handrail. (He must be lucky, today) However, the hand that grabbed the handrail was the same one that he had been holding his phone in. It clashed against the railing and slid from between his fingers. (nevermind) “-iiiIIIT!”

     With a series of loud thumps, it bounced down the steps and landed at the bottom with a heart stopping clatter. In three separate pieces. (goddess of alcohol, you are a whore.)

     Levi groaned. “….Goddammit” He wobbled down the stairs and grabbed the phone, he checked it over.

     No scratches. (Good) No cracks. (Better) He carefully pushed his battery in before snapping the little plate over it, shut. He then held the power button. “Fingers crossed.” The phone flickered back to life. (Thank god)

     Levi turned around towards the stairwell once again. _Let’s not fuck up that badly, again._ The ascent up the stairs was much slower this time. He paid careful mind to his phone, before flicking on the loft light switch.

     His room/entire apartment was bathed in the glow of yellow light from the single over head light bulb.

      _Dinner time_.

     Levi walked over to the kitchenette that took up a full third of his living space. Which in and of itself was ridiculous. All it had to offer was one old ass refrigerator (hobbies included knitting, golfing, long walks on the beach, humming, and making ice as loudly as physically possible at 4 in the goddamn morning), one tiny microwave, one tiny sink, (little bastard only offered cold water) three small cabinets, and two narrow counters; one of which was always in use by his hot plate. (Cuz who in all sweet fuck needs ovens? Or burners?) He glared at his humming fridge and opened the door with a sigh. “Hrm…”

     The refrigerator was not forthcoming with bounty today.

     He had a single depressing lemon, a week old pot of chili, and some leftover crab meat. “Right then.” Levi reached in and grabbed the pot of chili. He set it on the counter and removed the lid and took a very cautious whiff. Wow, ok, it still smelled absolutely amazing. The fridge had clearly bestowed the gift of eternal life to this chili. The delicious smell was more than enough confirmation for him. Levi happily spooned a hearty helping into a bowl he kept in one of the cabinets and popped it into the microwave. He placed the pot back into the fridge, wondering just how long that stuff was gonna keep (the test begins, Hanji would love this).

     While he waited for his dinner to heat up, Levi pulled out his abused phone and checked the screen. Damn, he must’ve been more liquored up than he’d originally thought. He’d never noticed the phone going off...six separate times. He scrolled down the menu. Six texts. All of course, from Petra. Levi groaned inwardly and started reading.

-Petra Ral- Sent 5:15PM, JUNE 28 > _Hey Levi, I rly need to talk with u. If u could txt or call me that wud b great._

-Petra Ral- Sent 5:28PM, JUNE 28 > _Hello?_

-Petra Ral- Sent 5:51PM, JUNE 28 > _Levi, hello? R u ther? R u ok?_

-Petra Ral- Sent 6:15PM, JUNE 28 > _Levi, ansr pls._

-Petra Ral- Sent 6:37PM, JUNE 28 > _geez Levi pls dont ignore me!_

-Petra Ral- Sent 8:54PM, JUNE 28 > _r_ _u drunk again?_

“Ah, for fuck’s sakes.” Levi angrily began to text back.

> _JESUS H CHRIST, Petra, I’m here. I’m not fucking drunk, I’m just busy. I work the shop on Sundays. You know that. I’ll call you in a bit, I’ll be out of the shower in ten._

      He sent the message just as the microwave finished nuking his chili. The smell was divine. He’d actually gotten this particular recipe from Kenny. It had curry powder in it, which while adding a slight kick, also made for a savory flavor. (The old man was actually useful for some things. Go figure) He blew on his first spoonful, and then placed it in his mouth. Levi found that the food was, as usual, hotter than molten lava. (Thank you, overachieving microwave) Thinking in the best interests and well being of his mouth and tongue, Levi opted to go ahead and get a quick shower in before digging in.

     ....Ah yes.

     The Shower. (The war zone.)

     Levi made his way as quietly as humanly possible over to the bathroom door. He didn’t want to spook his quarry early. Once he positioned himself in front of it, he placed his hand on the doorknob, heart racing.

     Now or never. “AHHHAAAAA!” Levi yelled drunkenly and loudly as he swung open the door so fast, it hit the wall with a loud crack that resounded like thunder in the tiny bathroom. He reached over and flicked on the light switch.

     The desired effect was given.

     The (guilty) spiders in the shower cubicle froze in terror. 64 tiny eyes all looked up at the terrifying and wild eyed monster that had come exploding into their bathroom. All they could see from their low angle was his face over the lip of the toilet.

      _Once again, spiderkind remembered…The dread that was life under their rule…_  

      Ah…If only spiders could scream…

      “You thought you could keep getting away with spreading your FILTH, DIDN’T YOU?!” He lept over to the shower. “Ohhhhh, no! NO NO NO NO!”

     The spiders scattered, all heading for different cracks in the floorboards.

     “Shit! You COWARDS!” He scrabbled after them, but in this state, he was nowhere near fast enough to actually catch and kill a single one.

     The spiders had made it to safety. For now.

     Levi grumbled a bunch of nonsense syllables as he reached forward and turned the shower tap to as hot as the water could go. At least these spiders weren’t germy or poisonous. That was really his only consolation. While he waited for it to heat up, he undressed and neatly placed his (folded) dirty clothes into the hamper. He removed his gauges, too. The need to clean his ears was dire, (god forbid they start to stink). He tested the water.

     It was letting off steam at this point, and felt wonderful on his hands. Levi quickly stepped in to the shower with purpose. He couldn’t linger. As soon as the heat came, it was gone in seconds. (Erwin and his wonderful spending at work again, on an energy efficient, solar powered, 2 –whopping-gallon water heater. After a vigorous scrub down to rid himself of the lemonade stickyness, Levi quickly shampooed and rinsed his hair.

     Of course by now the water was freezing cold. He turned off the spray and grabbed a towel from the rack. He shivered a bit as he quickly toweled himself off and stepped back out into the living space. The humid, hot air was for once, a relief. Maybe his balls would actually stop playing the game of hide and seek they'd started under the frigged torrent of the shower.

     Levi walked casually over to the kitchen naked and flipped open his phone. _Ah, bachelor life._

-Petra Ral- Sent 9:34PM, JUNE 28 > _Levi, ur so mean, u rly had me worried. Forget it. Im coming 2 the Garrison tomorrow 4 some stuff neyway tht Oluo needs for remodlng th babies’ room. I’ll tlk 2 u tomorrow wen ur sober. (You better b) >:[_

     Oh yeah, he had forgotten about Oluo finally succeeding in getting her pregnant. They’d been trying for years. Ever since they got hitched in the first place, they’d said they wanted kids. He’d never understand why. Screw babies. (Noisy, dumb, smelly,  _messy._ ) He visibly shuddered.  _Moving on..._ The fact that Petra was stopping by for baby room décor, (At a tourist shop? Pfffft.) tomorrow, though, raised many red flags. The whole plan was an obvious lie. She just wanted to check in on Levi.

     ‘Of course.’ Levi huffed and began to wolf down his chili. While he chewed, Levi mused on the Petra situation. Petra could be worse than Mikasa, the main difference being, Levi was annoyed far quicker by the former. He was less than looking forward to her visit the next day. Perhaps, he could pretend that the store was being fumigated, _no_ , he should just burn down the store...(go home mind, you’re drunk).

     The spoon scraped the bottom of the bowl.

     Levi took the bowl into the kitchenette and washed both it, and the spoon; then returned them to the dark cabinets from whence they came. He padded over to his dresser and rummaged around for some boxers and sweat pants. Once he found a pair of each that he deemed suitable, he slipped them on and sat on his bed. He glanced up with a mad squint at the light bulb hanging above his room. “That shit’s gotta stop.” Levi left his phone screen on as a beacon. He then got up from his bed, walked over, and flicked the light off.

     The quick trip was a success. The only light in the room came from the bathroom fixture, which gave the room a weak illumination akin to a dimmer on a regular light switch.

     Levi sat back down on the bed and grabbed his piece and lighter from the window sill. A quick inspection affirmed that there was still plenty inside the bowl to smoke. (relief) Levi tapped off the burned bits into the trashcan beside his bed. He calmly lit the bowl and took a hit. The smoke filled him to his core, both burning and soothing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote half of this while eating chili. My chili has also been blessed with mysterious eternal life. Fucking MAGIC.
> 
> *Wings is a chain beachware store on the US outer banks. 
> 
> As per usual, please please tell me what you like and do not like. Ilu forever!


	4. Ye Wichor Cometh (Tempest)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mind is a fragile thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was painful to write. Hope it is not so painful to read. This chapter is darker than the others by far...but hey, look, Eren! :D

     Moonlight was leaking in through the window.

     Levi took notice and opened the blinds, with a short cough.

     Everything was ugly.

     The night was certainly beautiful. Fireflies danced outside, the moon had risen gloriously, and its reflection glimmered with pearly speckles across the water below. Large fluffly clouds were illuminated softly on the edges, just kissing the stars in the sky. But somehow it repulsed him to the core.

      It was all just as ugly as he felt. Wait…

_Wow. That was fucking depressing…how high was he?_

     He needed some music or something. Levi  reached over to his tiny, old radio on a mounted shelf and flicked the on switch. Music came through, static crackles interrupting it every few seconds.  Levi huffed at the white noise, unable to decipher the song, and wiggled the antennae at the top of the box until the music became clearer. 

     ‘Elastic Heart’.

     Eh. There was worse out there, but this chick whining was a bit grating. He just listened to the music and sound of her voice instead of the lyrics. It was a beautiful song, that way.

     He took another long drag from his piece, and let his mind wander to more important things. Petra was going to have a baby in a few months. He still couldn’t believe it. That little strawberry blonde who’d had a crush on him all those years in high school. She’d grown in to a beautiful and successful lady.

     Alas, also married to a successful,  and reliable(and handsome, in her opinion, only) man; Oluo was working for Erwin, they were happily married, hell, they even had their own house. Levi could remember when Oluo had tried to mimic everything about him, down to his signature sour expression.  All because he thought Levi was the shit. Tch. _Well just fucking look at me, now._

     Mikasa was due to graduate next semester, his lanky, awkward and often frightened baby cousin was gone.

     He wouldn’t have to protect her from bullies, ever again, or teach her to fight, scold her for getting her eyebrow pierced, help her study for tough exams, or lend her cash for that tattoo she’d so desperately wanted.

     Levi squeezed his eyes shut and set his piece on the bed spread next to him.

     No. That shy child was lost to the past. In her place, a strong and confident adult had emerged, ready to take on the world.

     Just like him 12 years ago.

     What the hell had gone wrong? Erwin had gotten promoted to the head of the Sound Survey team, while Levi was laid off without a second thought. Steely blue eyes had looked down at him with pity.

_Don’t look at me like that._

     The entire managing staff had known that Levi was better at gathering data and that he knew the sound better than anyone, but they’d still chosen Erwin. Seniority, they’d said. Budget cuts, they’d said. It had felt amazing to set their trash cans on fire.

     Erwin…goddamn it, Erwin…

     Levi’s breathing had become ragged. His eyes were opened wide, his jaw set.

_Don’t fucking look at me like that_

     Empty consolations reaching out for him, a voice trying to comfort, showing genuine concern _._ Strong eyebrows over those disgustingly beautiful eyes. Those eyes.

 _DON’T YOU FUCKING LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT_!

     He put his hands over his eyes. Clawed at his temples.  He clenched his jaw till it hurt. He just needed to think about anything else. Anything.  Mikasa, Petra, Erd, Mike, Gunther, anyone. _Anyone._ The sound, the sea, his crab trabs, Kenny’s shitty boat, the goddamn juice machine. _Anything. ANYTHING._

     A warm wetness over his eyelid distracted him momentarily. “hn?” Sweat in his eyes was no foreign concept, while it stung, it wasn’t a huge deal. He tried to blink it away, but it wouldn’t piss off.

     Too thick for sweat.

     Levi let go of his head, and in mild horror, physically felt his nails slide out of his scalp. “…fuck..” His blood tipped nails sang the story of frustration and pain.

     Erwin would have a fit if he saw this. ‘You’re falling apart, Levi.’

_...Don’t fucking judge me…_

     He felt the top of his forehead, right behind his hairline. Sure enough, it stung, and his fingers came away with blood. He rubbed at his face, realizing the damage had been enough, that the blood had started to drip down into his eyes.

     ‘You’re acting like a child.’

     He was breathing like a wild animal, loud and shallow. His own voice came through each huff, deep, emerging from his chest, turning each breath to a snarl. Baring his teeth at nothing. He viciously wiped his face. No. He was fine. Doing well.

_Don’t look at me…_

     He just needed to get a grip. He focused on every breath, slowing each down gradually. All other sound was blocked out.  

     Inhale.

     Exhale.

     The air entered his nose and mouth. It filled his lungs. Pushed his diaphragm. Tugged his mind into existence. He was alive.

     Each wild heartbeat pounded in his temples and aching cuts.

     Each heartbeat slowed as he calmed down. Each was a promise. A promise of life. His body didn’t want to give up yet.

     Inhale.

     Exhale.

     He wasn’t sure when he’d felt his head hit the pillow, or when he’d even decided to lie down. Certainly not sure when he’d drifted off into a restless sleep.

 

\--------

 

     Levi opened his eyes. Well, he thought he did. He blinked, and everything still looked the same. Murky darkness.

_What the hell?_

     He looked around, he could sort of make out light coming down from above, not much else. He tried to walk or take a step forward, anything. He found that he couldn’t. Weightlessness suspended him in  place.  

_Where am I?_

     His thoughts were a jumble. He couldn’t focus. Everything was fuzzy.

     Bubbles rose around him. Something was ascending from below.

     Bright and brilliant teal-green shown in the darkness like two glowing embers. A flash of scales, blue, green and gold. A massive tail swished in and out of sight.

     Was he underwater?

_I can’t breathe-!_

     A sound in the dark. A voice, deep, and gentle. _You don’t need to. Not here, anyway. You’re safe._ It resonated like a deep hum. Echoed around him.

     He wasn’t even aware that he’d spoken aloud. Levi watched, entranced, as the scales in the darkness caught the small light that seemed to filter down narrowly from somewhere above.  They shimmered and vanished along with the glowing embers.

 _Where am I?_ He implored yet again. He didn’t even need to ask, it was as if his thoughts could be heard. That explained a few things.

     The two glowing orbs returned, rapidly looming out of the darkness, only, from the front this time.

     He shielded himself instinctively, and squeezed his eyes shut.

 _No need for that. I won’t hurt you._ The voice sounded almost amused.

     Levi peeked out from behind his arm. Those glowing orbs, they were _eyes_. Huge eyes. Each at least the size of a Clementine.  Eyes  that had stopped a foot or so from his face. That was alarming.

     They seemed to glow brighter each passing second. They were the only thing he could make out clearly, he couldn’t even see the face they were placed on.

     However…now that he was this close, he could tell, they were not just teal. They were a myriad of colours, cerulean blue, jade green, and with sparks of gold.

 _Beautiful._ He thought.

     He felt a light touch on his cheek, and he could make out a giant claw tipped digit in the gloom. It was like a human finger, but too large, and webbed.

 _So are you._ The hum rumbled in his ribcage. It permeated every pore.

     No. He shook his head away from the gentle touch. No, no no. He didn’t want to hear this.

     The finger recoiled. Levi watched as the massive eyes blinked slowly, as if contemplating.

 _It makes me sad that you can’t see what I see every day._ The huge, scaled fish tail whipped downward, and he found himself in the arms of this creature. _I’ve waited so long for a chance to see you like this. To meet you…_ _even if you probably won’t even remember._

     He looked upwards into huge eyes. They were conflicted. Both sad, yet pleased.

     Never had Levi felt so small. (That was really saying something) This creature’s limbs were so powerful, _it_ was power itself, it seemed; the hug he was enveloped in could well have been likened to a child with a doll.

_What do you want from me?_

     The monstrous form squeezed him a bit. Bubbles erupted from his mouth. (Good thing breathing was not a thing at the moment.)

_For now, just let me touch you.  I waited a good while for this to work, er, well,  I wasn’t even sure if this WOULD work, actually._

     So much for the illusion of power. The creature seemed unskilled in bringing him to this place…

     A distant rumble distracted both of them momentarily.

     Levi shook his head. Waited? Something needed to work…what? That didn’t make any sense. Nothing in this situation did. His mind was getting clearer now, questioning everything about the circumstances around him. _Waited for what to work? Who are you?_

     The eyes crinkled up a bit as if the face they were on was smiling. _Sorry, but it looks like you’re waking up, so the answers will have to wait. I can answer you when, or if, you decide to find me. If you do it now…please, Levi, be careful; it’s a bad storm._

 _I will._ He wanted answers.

 _I hope so…_ The being released him, and with a swish of its massive tail, it disappeared in to the depths as quickly as it had appeared.

 _Wait!_ Levi reached after it, trying to swim. _How do you know my-_

 

_\-------_

 

     A brilliant flash and following loud rumble had Levi sitting bolt upright and gasping for air. “What?” He looked around in wide eyed confusion for a moment.  “ugh, fuck…” He felt the side of his face and it was crusted with drool and dried blood. His body was drenched in sweat.

     Taylor Swift had popped up on the radio with ‘Blank Space’(sigh).

_…goddammit…_

     He fell asleep! What time was it? Levi peered over at his bedside clock. 1:39am. Taylor continued to warble about god knows what. “Gruh…” He angrily smacked the switch on the radio, effectively shutting her up.  

     A harsh pattering on the window and roof had him look over. Was it raining? He grabbed his piece and placed it back on the window sill. He peeked out. It was raining.

     Pretty hard. Strange, since there hadn’t been any indication of storms. No fierce undertow, no rough waves.  

     He could make out Connie and Sasha’s stupid tent, sure enough, they’d put their rainguard over it. The wind whipped it this way and that, threatening to tear it off.

     Wind whipped and howled through the cracks in the old shop, as well. It was loud enough to rattle him a bit, his eyes darted over his shoulder.  he had to scold himself.  The bathroom light still lit the room softly, casting strange shadows that seemed to warp and move the longer he looked at them. (Stop being a paranoid bitch.)

     The temperature had dropped significantly, making him shiver. So that's why the storm had come, a high pressure front had decided to move in. Of course.

     He looked out once more to check on Connie and Sasha. The next lightning flash told him everything he needed to know. Surprisingly, the job they had done with the rain guard was pretty good. It really didn't seem to be going anywhere, despite the storm. He wondered how his crab traps were faring. 

    The time had come to patiently wait for another flash to light up the pier so he could see.

     In a blaze of glory, the needed lightning flash stuck right across the sound. The brillliant flash made Levi squint for a second, and then scowl. His crab trap buoys were no where to be seen.

     The subsequent thunder nigh a second later made him cuss and rub his ears. "Shit, that's fucking loud..."

     That strike had been a bit close for comfort.

     Living on the coast for 20 years had taught him well that lightning was a force to be respected. It loved to strike twice, and it was destructive as hell. Never take chances with it, don't fuck with it, and don't go out in an electrical storm.

     Nothing doing. He really needed to check those traps. Storm or not. If the buoys really had broken free from the dock, he was in deep shit. (No crabs, no food.)

     He grumbled and wriggled out of his sweat pants and ambled over to his dresser, covered in goosebumps. He spotted a pair of ratty old khakis. (That'll do) without further ado, he shoved them them on. He placed his phone in his pocket, just in case. 'Glad its one of those new waterproof models...' (again, a gift courtesy of magical checkbook Erwin) He checked his sock drawer. good. His swamp socks were right at the top. On they went. 

    Levi eyed his wading boots by the door of the loft. Time to get them dirty again. He slid each foot into the corresponding boot and set off down the stairs, flicking the light on in the stairwell as he went. 

    The shop always looked weird at night, in the dark. As if it was sleeping. Well, except for that goddamn juice machine, which continued it's obnoxious squeaky whirring. 

    He made his way around the various tables and merchandise before entering the doorway behind the counter. Crossing the stockroom, he set about grabbing his jacket and unlocking the back door. His fishing jacket hung on a peg, looking drab and thankfully waterproof as always. (At least it was clean) He always felt like wearing that jacket made him look like a redneck idiot, but whatever, it helped him be a  _dry_ redneck idiot. So anyone who laughed could shove it up their ass. 

    He flicked the one floodlight switch on the wall.  And the yard and pier were lit. The term floodlight was probably not appropriate since it was not the proper type of bulb, and only managed a crappy half assed light up of the area, only barely making it to the pier. 

    It was times like this that Levi wished he'd had money for flashlight batteries.

    With a sigh he prepared to make his way out in to the storm.

 

    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This pretty much shows a fairly good interpretation of how mixing too much alcohol and grass has the potential to really, REALLY, send your thoughts in a bad direction. 
> 
> btw, I'm not sure HOW I feel about "Elastic Heart" by Sia.  
> ...I just know the music video made no sense to me until it was explained via the artist.  
> Before the explanation it was obviously a girl trying to escape the clutches of ‘Actual Cannibal Shia LeBeouf’. Harhar. 
> 
> Please tell me what you think and I'll love ya. (who am I kidding, I'll love you anyway even if you don't) <3


	5. Fortunae naufragium (Procella)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Eren.” The sound of wind and rain mixed in with the deep voice. It had in it deep resonating sound like... a hum. So familiar. Those beautiful eyes blinked again. “My name is Eren.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The dark tone sort of continues, but eh, next chapter is lighter. This one is a close call for Levi, I'll give him that.
> 
> i.e. Levi gets shat on again by fate (and his own dumb decisions).

     He started to open the door, but was at first unsuccessful. The pressure from the storm plus the harsh wind had it almost vacuumed shut.  

_Well then._

     Levi placed one foot behind him and used the steel frame of one of the stock shelves as a brace. He rammed a shoulder against the door and put forth a burst of energy.

     With his improved shove, the door flew open quite suddenly, the pressure having evened out.  Levi failed to compensate for that. He went tumbling outside in an awkward jumble of limbs, landing (gracefully) with his butt  in a large puddle.  Rain soaked into his hair and collar.

     “Fuck! Disgusting!” He sputtered over the gale. A congruent rumble of thunder almost drowning him out. He got up and shook his arms vigorously to get the sand and mud off.  

     The seat of his pants was a lost cause.

      “…goddammit ALL.” Nothing said I’m uncomfortable like wet, sandy underwear.  

     A particularly hard gust of wind almost knocked him face first back into the puddle. This was ridiculous. Levi clutched his jacket tighter around him to cut down on his wind resistance and set out towards the docks.

     Rain splattered against his face, making it even harder to see in the dim light. Lightning, (being the more reliable light source than the pitiful excuse for a floodlight) was itself, not as frequently providing such as he would’ve preferred.

     He made his way down the small incline of the bank, doing his best not to slip in the sandy soil. It was loose, decidedly saturated from the deluge.  He meandered downwards in a zigzag pattern, avoiding sinkholes and reeds.

     This storm was ludicrously bad. He didn’t know why Sasha and Connie were sticking it out. ‘I guess they were serious about that stupid investigation…’ Levi squinted through the ever assaulting sheets of rain, goddamn. Their tiny two man tent looked pitiful in this storm. He had half a mind to go over and yank them out and get them inside.

     Crab traps first though. (priorities ‘n shit)

     He had arrived at the rickety old pier. Waves sloshed over the top of it, making it dangerously slippery. He really wished that he could see better. He placed one boot on the old wooden boards. He tested the traction by wiggling his foot a bit.

     The wading boots proved to have good traction. That is, good traction until a wave came over the edge and pulled at his foot.

     For a split second he lost his footing and flailed hard to right himself.  He felt the band of his pants snap a bit near his right pocket, and realized in horror what that meant.

     His phone had taken another leap of faith. This time, wriggling its way out of his (too shallow) side pocket.

     “Fuck, NO, NO!” He watched in disbelief and rage as his most valuable gift clattered onto the pier and into the water, sinking out of sight beneath the waves.

 _‘You aren’t at fault, Levi, calm down. It’s Murphy’s Law.’_ Erwin again.

     He stood there in the storm, dumbstruck for a moment.

     ‘ _It’s alright.’_

_No it fucking wasn’t… Nothing was._

     His whole existence was some pathetic joke. He felt a laugh start in his gut. It forced its way painfully from belly, making his chest ache. He let it claw through his throat, stinging and burning as it exploded out of his mouth with ferocity.

     He laughed and howled at that and tipped his head back. He screamed at the sky over the storm: “YOU BETTER JUST FUCKING KILL ME!”

_‘You’re acting like a child, Levi…’_

     Lightning flashed in a brilliant arch making his pupils constrict painfully, it brought him back to reality.

_Got to get a goddamn grip._

     The ominous creak of the ancient framework under the pier was drowned in the ensuing thunder and howling winds.

     He took a few cautious steps before reaching his goal. The end of the pier was finally visible, but the sight only confirmed his suspicions and made his heart sink.

     The crab trap buoys were nowhere to be seen.

     Did they get carried away? Perhaps they were submerged? He just had to check. ’It shouldn’t be too hard…’ The rain stung his eyes and face, slowing his progress. (At least it was washing the blood off from earlier.)

     He took additional small steps as more waves hit the pier, washing thick torrents of water past his ankles. 

     After a particularly large wave and a gust of wind, the whole pier shifted a bit.

     Levi struggled to stay balanced. “Shit. Shit shit shit.” This was not good.  Fuck those crab traps. Fuck those crabs. He’d just starve.  

     The pier groaned louder than the surrounding storm and had dangerously dipped down to one side.

_Time to get the FUCK outta dodge._

     Levi started back towards the shop. He had just managed to turn around when the storm surge sent  another large wave crashing over the pier.

     Everything happened in slow motion. There was a sinking sensation and then a sharp jerk from underneath the wood planks. The structure finally gave up, and with the cracking and splintering of twisted wood it was torn away from its strut supports.

     Levi didn’t even get the chance to cry out as the pier was pulled out from under his feet.  With a splash he fell backwards into the raging current. The water wrenched him downward immediately. So abruptly, that his mind didn’t even react in time to have his lungs take a breath before he was completely submerged. 

     Painful. So painful. The water was a voracious hell hound, yanking and tearing at his limbs, trying to drag him deeper each second. It grabbed at his jacket, using it to gain further grip on his body, tossing and turning him violently. It was crushing him with the force of its current.  A small stream of bubbles left his mouth in shock from the pain.

_I can’t breathe!_

     He opened his eyes, hoping to see something, anything in order to re-orient himself. Where was the surface?  

     Blackness. Nothing. The feeble light from the back of the shop was not enough to permeate the water.

     His lungs were starting to burn. His ears ached from the pressure. How deep down was he? He tried to swim feebly, but what good would it really do? So harshly pulled this way and that by the current, he couldn’t tell which way was up or down.

     It dawned on him. He wasn’t going to get out of this. His end had found him, and it was no one’s fault but his own. Drowning wasn’t the worst way to go, certainly one of the more painful, but fuck it, he just didn’t care. His only real regret was that he wouldn’t see his baby cousin again.

     Lightning from above. The surface lit up brilliantly for a second. It was right there! Not twelve feet away!

     Mikasa… _We’re family. When it comes down to it, she’s all I got, and I’m all she’s got._

     No. **FUCK NO** _._ He couldn’t, _wouldn’t_ die here.

     Mikasa would be alone in this hellhole world if he didn’t make it home. (Completely unacceptable)

 _Fuck that shit!_ He clawed towards the surface frantically. His lungs were on fire. He had to fight hard against the currents.  He had to. If for no other reason than _her._ She was everything.

     He was making a bit of progress, but it was too little, too late. His limbs felt heavier with each passing second and his lungs were screaming. At last, his arms stopped listening to the signals he gave them, his legs followed suit. He felt numb.

     The surface was right there. RIGHT FUCKING THERE!

_No…_

     Bubbles rushed from his nose and mouth towards the surface as his lungs began to involuntarily heave in a futile attempt to take in oxygen. They instead were flooded with excruciating, icy, brackish water.

     He choked and gagged, his vision darkening despite the continued lightning flashes above him.

_No…_

     Time slowed. Numbness overtook his body, he could barely feel the pull of the current…and something…else?

     He felt a hard surface press against his body from far away.  Levi was barely aware that he was moving again. Against the current. Flying upward with such speed that his neck strained almost painfully.

_What?_

     Darkness consumed him as he broke the surface.

 

_\--------_

 

 

     Levi’s return to consciousness was sluggish. He felt his lungs stretch and relax with air, despite him not putting forth any effort. He was on his back. His mouth tasted like vomit and his head  pounded horribly.

_Fuck me...am I hung over again?_

     He tried to sit up, but found he couldn’t. There was a weight on top of him. He struggled a bit to move. He attempted and failed to open his eyes, as they were practically glued shut with mucous.

     Thunder rumbled loudly, and he felt the wet drops of the rain hitting his face. ‘What happened?’ He was obviously outside, he knew that much. The sound was nearby, as he could hear the crashing waves in the storm.

     There was gentle pressure on his mouth.

_What the hell?_

     Before he could protest in some way, air rushed into his lungs, painful and sweet at the same time.  

     It was a mouth. On his. Someone was helping him breathe. The mysterious person withdrew and waited for him to naturally exhale.

     He did so, but weakly, and without much control.

     No sooner had he finished, he felt the lips back on his own, once again pushing air into his lungs.  It did so until they were full and moved away to let him exhale.

     He coughed this time. Properly, with force and of his own volition. He reached a hand upwards in confusion as he heaved in air.

     A soft touch on his shoulder told him he was not in dangerous company.

     It suddenly all came rushing back. The pier, the darkness, the terrible current, his desperate final attempt to swim to the surface…he should be dead. Someone had saved him.

_Who?_

     This time, with fervor, Levi  tried once again to sit up.  In reply, he found a firm touch to his chest keeping him down. _I have to get up._ He began to struggle, more violently. He reached out only to feel something take his wrist in a firm grasp.

     He rubbed his eyes with his free hand, opening them despite the pain. Everything was spinning and out of focus. He blinked rapidly, trying to regain it. He looked at his breath giving savior. Lightning lit up everything momentarily. Levi could make out large, owlish eyes, far too large to be human, and somehow very familiar.  There was only a blurry outline of a face, also too large to be human.  He squinted through the rain.

    “Who are you?” He rasped. His throat felt like it was full of sand. (Maybe it was)

     The figure was silent. They just blinked slowly. A thunderclap was his only answer.

     Despite the dizziness and weakness in his limbs, he threw the large hand placed on his chest off with surprising vigor.

     The eyes widened in surprise.

      “I said, who-“ He broke into another fit of coughs. “-are you?”

     A hand was once again placed on his shoulder when he started to fall backwards from his coughing fit.

     He batted at it, angrily. “I’m fine! I don’t need your help.“  (Liar) “What the fuck is wrong with you?!” His voice was coming out stronger, now.  “Are you deaf or something? Tell me, who the hell are you?!” He must have said the words with more venom than was necessary. The hand recoiled as if physically stung.

     “Eren.” The sound of wind and rain mixed in with the deep voice. It had in it deep resonating sound like... a hum. So familiar. Those beautiful eyes blinked again. “My name is Eren.”

      He froze. He’d seen this before somewhere. His head reeled with Deja-Vu. The figure was coming into focus a bit more as his eyes continued to adjust. Wild, dark brown hair framed a tanned face.

     The world tipped a bit sideways and Levi felt dizzy again.

     “I guess you’re going to be ok. That smack hurt a bit, you’ve got your strength back. So, yeah…” The figure started to move away with awkward and jerky motions.

     “Hey! Whoa, hey, where are you going?” this guy (thing), he was just gonna walk away after saving him?  Well…in a matter of speaking, it really seemed to be crawling awkwardly. It was like a cheesy movie.

     The figure hesitated as it got to the edge of the water and called back from the darkness. “Home for now, I guess.” 

     Levi's jaw dropped a bit. What the fuck kind of answer was that? It wasn't spooky, cryptic, or eloquent. (Certainly not movie worthy) Levi was almost disappointed in how mundane a response it was.

     His savior was entering the sound, he couldn't really see them anymore, despite his vision getting clearer by the second. "Hey!" he called again. He could make out the gleam of something blue and green against the water before it disappeared beneath the waves.

     “Wait-!” He started to call, but was interrupted by a blinding flash.

     The whole world blazed with fire. His hair stood on end.  At the same time, the sky made an earsplitting, cracking, roar; like a titan’s hammer had smashed into his ear drums.

_Lightning._

     His ears were ringing horribly and bright spots danced in front of his already unreliable vision.

      _That was a fucking lightning strike…Incredibly close, at that._

_But… I’m not dead. So where-?_

     Levi looked wildly around him, his savior forgotten. The dim light from the shitty floodlight painted a grim picture.

     Lightning had struck the live oak on the shore. The beautiful, old live oak had lost a massive limb as if a giant hand had wrenched it off without a care.

     Levi frowned, and it wasn't just in mourning over the damaged tree. Something wasn’t right about the limb that lay sprawled out in the sandy soil.

     Splintered wood lay scattered about as was to be expected, but there was a shape underneath some of the branches.

     His stomach clenched in horror and he hastily scrambled up, dizziness and pain forgotten. Levi had realized what that strange shape was.

     It was Sasha and Connie’s tent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh, spadoodeeos....
> 
> As per usual, feedback is appreciated...and I give you love no matter what. \\(^o^)/


	6. There Can Only Be One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the wake of the lightning strike, Levi has his hands full.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I haven't updated as promptly with this chapter as the others.  
> Reason being:  
> I've been spending my Easter holiday with my parents in the house where I grew up! This involved a lot of video games, farm tending lawn mowing, tractor driving, beer (a lot of it), wine (even more of it), and cleaning the pool they had installed after I left the nest. Honest to goodness, I've either been too busy or too drunk to write, but just drunk enough to get some great ideas for my fic, and some additional ideas for other fics. For the delay, I apologize. This afternoon, I'm heading back to my apartment half the state away, on the coast; now that the holidays are over. So, updates will likely be more frequent. Maybe. I'm back in school for an additional degree, and final exams are looming.

     “CONNIE!! SASHA!!” He shouted hoarsely, his voice could barely be heard over the storm. Levi ran towards the tree like a man possessed.

      Rain drops flew by, and stung at his face. The scenery all became hazy in his focus to reach the tent.

      As he approached the desecrated tree, he slid on the sand of the embankment, leaving long streaks on the gentle slopes. “SASHA! CONNIE! ANSWER ME, IDIOTS!” He heard no response from the crumpled tent.

      “Fuck!” He tripped over a root, and landed with an ungraceful crash into the branches of the fallen limb. Levi thrashed around, trying to untangle himself from the various sticks and leaves. “Fucking shit!” Twigs were tangled in every article of his clothing. One branch in particular was trying to get to third base in a very painful way. (big-ass tree had it in for him) “Agh sonnuvabitch!!!! SASHA! CONNIE! Answer me!” He bellowed at the top of his lungs, scrambling towards the crumpled tent as twigs cut into his face and limbs.

     “Levi?” The voice was muffled, and came from the tent.

     He stilled. “Sasha! Connie! Can you hear me?”

     “Yeah! Where are you, man?” Connie was ok, or at least speaking, that was good, but he sounded almost panicked.

      Levi shoved another series of sticks out of the way and began clearing branches off the tent. “I’m right here outside the tent, are-” A rumble of thunder interrupted him. “-are you both ok?”

     “We’re ok, I think!” Sasha this time. “But we’re stuck! We can’t get out! What’s going on?!”

     “Don’t worry about that right now,  I’ll make sure you get out of there!”

     He couldn't really see very well, it looked as though the lightning had shorted a fuse. The floodlight was out, and his only guiding light was the occasional lightning. He started to pull a branch away from the tent and a large stick whipped up and lashed him harshly on his wrist. “Ouch, shit!”

     “Levi?”

     “What?” Rain was getting in his eyes again, dripping from his hair and into his face.

     “What are you doing?” Levi couldn’t tell which one asked over the squall.

     “I’m pulling the branches off the tent, you shits hang in there, ok?”

     “Branches?! Like from the tree!?” Sasha sounded dumbdfounded. “Did the storm knock the whole tree over on us?! ”

     “Whoa, holy shit! How are we ALIVE?!” Connie echoed.

     “Shut-up! It was one limb that fell off. I’ll tell you more later, but right now, we need to focus on getting you OUT!” Levi’s wrist had begun to bleed. That stick had gashed him worse than he’d thought. It looked like it might need stitches. He winced and looked down to see scratches all over his (topless) torso. (Didn’t he wear a rain jacket out here?) “…shit”

      Well, it looked like the sound had claimed another of his possessions. 

 _Erwin won’t believe this._  

      Levi wiped rain away from his face, leaving smears of blood from his bleeding wrist. After pulling a few more branches off the tent, the horrible truth of the situation became more apparent to him.

      The limb itself had landed on a third of the tent, not just the branches; the end with the opening to be exact, effectively pinning it shut.

 _Not good._

      He knew it was futile, but Levi threw his weight against the limb with all his might, anyway. Of course, it didn’t budge. “…fuck”

      It was a massive limb, in his defense, probably at least 160cm in circumference. It also wasn’t going anywhere without machinery.

      “Guys!” He shouted into the storm. “Do you have any tools in there that you can get to?” He watched the collapsed tent rustle around in response as they moved under it.

      “I only have my pocket knife!” Connie answered after a moment.

      “I have a butter knife!” Sasha called. (Of course she would.)

      “Ok, Connie, I’m going to need you to cut a hole in the tent fabric and climb out. Sasha, just stay put and don’t touch anything.” The immediate protests had him rolling his eyes.

      “What?! Oh, hell no! We saved up for a month to buy this thing! I can’t cut her open-“

      “Connie, don’t cut it!” Sasha sounded pained.

      “You’re gonna have to if you want to get out of there! The limb is on the front of the tent, but  I’ve gotten most of the branches off, so you should be safe.” Levi coughed as rain went into his sore throat.

      “Levi, man, we can’t-“

      “I’ll fucking buy you a new one! CHRIST! Just CUT IT OPEN!”

      “Ok…” Connie sounded heart broken, and the response was so low that the storm almost drowned it out. 

      Lightning flashed across the sky and glinted on the small pocket knife point that poked through the tent canvas. 

      With a loud ripping sound, Connie tore a long gash and poked his head through.  He looked around for a moment before seeing Levi when a flash of lightning lit up their surroundings.   When he did, his eyes opened wide and he ducked back in to the tent quickly with a small cry of terror before peeking out again. “Oh god! Levi? Is…is that  _you?”_

“Who else would it be?”

      “Why are you naked?” Connie squinted at him through the rain. “…and why are you covered in war paint?”

      “What the fuck-I’m, I’m not NAKED, you idiot! Can’t you SEE these pants?” Levi harshly gestured downward at his torn and stained khakis. “…and this isn’t fucking paint. It’s blood…” (oh…Wow) He hadn’t really thought about his appearance that much, but in Connie’s defense, to new eyes, it would be alarming.

      “What?! Blood?-“

      “Nevermind!” Levi cut him off. “It’s just a few scratches, let’s focus, here.

      Connie continued to stare. “You look like a character from  _Brave Heart…_ only shorter _.”_

      Levi stared in disbelief back at Connie for a second before offering his hand out. He would deal with that insult later. “I don’t care, now come  _on!_ We gotta get you guys out of here.”

      Instead of a hand, he found Connie’s duffel bag unceremoniously dumped into his hands, followed by Sasha’s satchel and backpack. 

      He tossed them to the ground, angrily. “Guys! FORGET THE STUFF! Get out here, NOW!” He stuck out his hand again and this time felt Connie’s hand take his. “Now hold on!” With a heave, he was able to pull Connie out of the mess of branches.

      He looked wet, and with a few scratches, but otherwise unharmed.

      “Ok, Sasha! Come on, take my hand! Connie, stick yours in too, I need some help here.“ (I’m tired as fuck) With a joint effort, Levi and Connie pulled Sasha out from the wreckage.

      She most closely resembled a drowned rat, her usually messy hair dripping down flat on her skull. At least her scratches were even fewer than Connie’s, though. She looked at Levi with one eye closed and spat out some water. “Levi? Is-“

      “YES, It’s ME!”

_These two are just two peas in an idiot pod._

      “ _NOW, come on!_  Get your stupid bags off the ground, and let’s get out of this shitstorm!” Levi stomped back to the house not even looking over his shoulder to make sure they were following. He trudged angrily through puddles as if each had personally offended him, making sure to give the one in front of the door an extra good splash. Once he reached the store, he opened the back door with a flourish.

      The silence inside the building was almost deafening compared to the cacophonous din of the storm outside.

      Levi realized at once that his ears were ringing. He felt along the wall and walked forward into the stock room.  It was just as he’d left it. Quiet, neat, and orderly. That exact opposite of what was outside. He flicked the lightswitch. Nothing doing. "Well isn't that just GREAT. Looks like the power's out."

      Sasha and Connie came crashing in behind him with the subtlety and grace of a herd of rhinoceros. (Of course they could make his pristine shop match the outdoors. Only them.)

      “Wow! We made it!”

      “Right?! A whole tree fell on us and everything! This is just too crazy!” Connie shut the door behind him.

      “A tree-LIMB” Levi corrected him. “Not a whole goddamn tree. You saw it.” Though he did have to admit, they were lucky as hell, it was amazing, really. (Not that he’d tell them that.)

      “We survived and everything. We’re highlanders! We gotta be! ” Sasha was full of wisdom this fine, fine evening.

      “Uh-oh Sasha! You know what that means!” Connie grinned in the dark.

      “What?”

      His next statement had Levi rolling his eyes so hard, that it hurt.

      “There can  _ONLY BE ONE!_ ” With that, Connie pounced on Sasha and began tickling her.

      “Oh god, Connie! Stop! STOP!” Sasha was laughing so hard, she could only wheeze. “I’m gonna pee!”

      Levi’s eyes widened. “There will be NONE of that. Cut that out! We need to get you two dried off.”

      Connie’s teeth glinted from his grin in the next flash of lightning. “I don’t think highlanders can catch colds, Levi!”

      “No, you idiots. You aren’t highlanders. This is a serious situation-” He peered at them through the dark.  “-and you're both soggy and gross.”

      “Yeah, ok.” Sasha shook her head like a wet dog; sand and water droplets flew everywhere.

      Levi made a face. “Sasha! Cut that shit out. I just cleaned in here.”

      “Levi, you always ‘just cleaned in here’-” She stopped for a moment and looked around. “-geez! It sure got cold.” She rubbed both hands on the opposite, wet arms rapidly.

      Connie nodded in agreement. “Levi, you wouldn’t happen to have a fireplace or something, would you?”

      “Have you  ever seen a chimney coming out of this hovel? In all the times you’ve seen it? Think about it.”  _I don't even have a goddamn stove top._

      “No…” Connie looked disappointed.

      “Well then.” Levi about faced and looked among the stock shelves while the other two shivered in silence. He grabbed a box of beach towels and tore the packing tape off. (I guess this job has  _some_ perks.) He took out a few. “Come on, I’ve got towels and stuff.”

      Eager fingers grasped each towel offered.

      "I'll get you guys some sleeping bags from the camping supplies, since yours are probably shit housed in the rain out there." Levi moved through the stock box aisles with practice and patience in the dark.

      "You're the best, Levi!" Sasha said through chattering teeth.

      Levi could hear the rustling and shuffling of vigorous drying coming from the back of the stockroom. He found the camping supply shelf and grabbed two sleeping bags from it. Hoisting then over his shoulder by their straps, Levi grabbed a spare camping lantern from the next shelf down. (Because, at this point? What was one more freakin' item?) Erwin would just have to deal with it. "Ok guys, I've got the sleeping bags. Let's go up stairs and see if we can get cleaned up a bit." He walked back around the shelves, and turned the lantern on by twisting the little knob on top. When the light fell on Sasha and Connie he just groaned a bit.

      Both Connie and Sasha had wrapped themselves up into two matching cocoons with their huge beach towels.

      Levi smirked. "You two look like ridiculous, walking burritos." 

      "It's a lot less cold wrapped up like this!" Sasha smiled and nuzzled a bit deeper in her towel burrito. 

      "It is!" Connie chimed. "But, where are we going to put our clothes?"

      Levi just stared blankly. "Your  _what?"_

"You know, our clothes. They're super wet, and full of sand, so we just took them off and put them on the door mat."

      "You took off your  _clothes?"_ Levi pinched the bridge of his nose. Sure enough, the aforementioned articles were sitting on the door mat, leaking water everywhere. He also noticed with horror that two pairs of underwear (both men's briefs...who was he supposed to judge harder?) and a bra were among the items. "Are you fucking _naked_ under those towels _?"_

“Um…maybe?” Connie looked hard at something invisible somewhere near Levi’s left ear. “Is that… _bad_? I mean, you’re kinda half naked.”

      “Hey, yeah! Why aren’t you cold?” Sasha just had to add.

      “…You know what? I AM cold...” Levi threw his hands up in the air, letting the lantern light up more of the room from the new height. “…and it’s just fuckin’ great. I don’t care.” He looked at the sopping wet clothes they had left in a depressing pile on the floor. “Hang your clothes on the hat rack by the front door.” It was tiled in the entry way, with a small drain, so that would be fine. “Grab your bags and let’s go upstairs.” He turned on his heel and started out. On his way out of the stock room, he grabbed two XXL island t-shirts from inside a convenient stock box near the door.

      Upon entering the main shop, he was surprised to hear the lemonade machine running. Maybe only the lights in the back had gone out? At first it didn't make sense, til he remembered. The Garrison Store had two fuse boxes. One for the main store, which was out back in the stock room, and one for his flat upstairs which was actually inside a utility closet under the stairwell. The lemonade machine sat against the wall that supported his flat, so it was connected to the one under the stairs. His flat would still have power, that was a plus. He flicked on the stairwell light and turned the lantern off.

      "Geez that's bright!" The duo both squinted in the yellow light that flooded the back of the shop.

      "You two go on upstairs and put your sleeping bags out wherever you can find room. There isn't much space, but whatever. Just find it. I'll be up in a minute." Levi placed the sleeping bags into their already full hands and gave them both a not-so-gentle shove up the stairs. He went over to the utility closet under them and opened the old wooden door.

      Various thumps and thuds and curses from overhead told him that those two were having a push fight to see who could get to the top of the stairs first. He smiled a bit despite himself. They were real troopers, still so lively after going through such a horrible ordeal. He grabbed an extension power chord from the bowels of the closet and plugged it into an outlet on the inside wall.  Levi then unwound the chord slowly as he backed out of the closet and led it through the shop. He stopped once he reached the hermit crab cage. "Hey, you little pinching bastards." He grabbed the plug to the heating lamp and hooked it into the extension chord. He flicked the lamp's switch and it turned on with a warm glow. "Can't have you getting too cold."

      The hermit crabs just crawled around, opting as per usual, not to respond. (Levi talked to them quite often if he was drunk enough) He had noticed they liked moving around much more at night for whatever crabby reason, whether the lamp was on or not. He glanced around at their cage. Their food was still full, as was their water dish. They looked well off despite the weather. (spoiled brats)

      Satisfied that the hermit crabs were comfortable, he turned and went upstairs. 

      Rain continued to patter loudly on the roof, and thunder shook the walls of the shop.

      Each step creaked and squeaked as he took to them, their sounds blending into the whistle of the wind; his ringing ears were not pleased. Once he reached the top, he almost tripped over Sasha and Connie's sleeping bags. That they had placed right in front of the door. Of fucking course.

      "What the hell is this?" 

      Their heads poked out from inside the sleeping bags. "We were really cold, so we just went ahead and got in. These sleeping bags are like a second skin, they're really soft." Connie wriggled around to prove his point. Lightning lit up the room for a second.    

      Levi scowled and rubbed his eyes. "..." he stepped over the sleeping bag that he would now have to burn.  _I can't deal with this right now._   He tossed the two t-shirts at them. "Put these on." 

      "Sweet! Thanks man!" Connie disappeared into the sleeping bag to put it on. 

      "Levi?" Sasha sounded unusually somber. She looked down at her t-shirt for a moment. "Really. Thanks. You didn't have to do this." Connie had begun to thrash inside his sleeping bag.

      "Tch. Get some sleep. I want you out tomorrow. I have a ton of cleaning (and expaining) to do thanks to you two-"

      "Uh...Levi? Sasha?" Connie's voice was muffled inside the sleeping bag which was still wriggling about. "I may be a little teeny tiny bit stuck...I might need some help."

      Levi pointedly ignored this and stepped around both sleeping bags carefully. He gestured with his head at Connie's sleeping bag. "Sasha, help him."

      She nodded. For once not responding with some annoying quip.

      "...I'm going to take a shower."(Maybe I'll get struck by lightning.) Levi entered his bathroom and shut the door behind him. He could hear them giggling and murmuring through the door as Sasha helped Connie get untangled. He stripped off his sandy clothes showered off quickly, without even waiting for the water to heat up.

      The soap and shampoo stung his cuts, especially the deep one on his wrist and the eight crescent shaped ones on his scalp. He winced and pushed through it, lathering everywhere that needed to be cleaned. He moved rapidly and mechanically, cutting the water off abruptly, just as it had gotten hot. The towel hanging on the rack was used in the same manner and then tied neatly around his waist. By the time he walked out, both sleeping bags had become one giant one.

      Sasha and Connie had zipped them together and were cuddled up. It was so cute, it was fucking disgusting. 

      Levi flicked off the bathroom light and stepped over them. He padded over to the dresser and once again rummaged around for some sweats and underwear. After finding the desired apparel, he slid on the pants underneath his towel, and then pulled on the sweats after he folded it up and placed it atop the dresser. He shivered a bit from the chill and opened his shirt drawer and pulled out  a simple black undershirt. Once he'd pulled it over his head, he felt much more comfortable.

      His eyes drooped a bit. Exhaustion was an understatement to what he was feeling at the moment. He leaned over and flicked the stairwell lights off before heading towards his bed. He almost tripped over "El Gigante", the sleeping bag on his way over.

      Unintelligible giggles and whispers came from within.

      "Shut up, you two." He climbed into his bed and nestled under the covers. A quick glance at his clock told him that it was 3:29 a.m.

      The chattering continued.

      He moaned and rolled face first into his pillow. "Jesus H. Christ! You're really pushing it!  _Go to sleep!_ "

      The only sounds his ears picked up now, were the wind's howls, the rain, and the low rumbles of thunder. He'd have so much to do tomorrow, and hell, his whole body hurt. Everything was so fucked up. From the scratches, to his throat, to his aching muscles. Everything fucking hurt. His mind began to drift off as his breathing slowed. 

      *"Pssst! Connie!"

      Levi's eyebrow twitched.

 _" Connie! Do you want some beef jerky? Don't tell Levi, cuz I only brought enough for the two of us!_ " Sasha had whispered almost imperceptibly.

      "Sasha!" Levi lifted his head up from the pillow with a deep frown.

      Silence followed his address.

      "Don't play deaf, I heard that, and I know you just heard _me_. So. Give me the fucking bag.  NOW." He reached his hand out into the dark.

      Still no response and no movement from the sleeping bag save a loud and obviously fake snore from Sasha.

      "Sasha, do you  _want_ to seriously piss me the fuck off? Because if so, its fucking working." 

      A sigh followed his question, and he felt the offending bag of snacks placed in his palm.

      He placed the bag on the window sill next to his piece and lighter. Lighting flashed and he winced again from the pain in his head. "Alright. For the last time, go to sleep, we can discuss what to do and _breakfast,_ for that matter, in the morning." He plopped his head back into his pillow with a huff. He listened to the storm. Once again, the low rumbles of thunder were lulling him to sleep. His eyes closed and relaxed.

      _"It's ok, I brought a back-up!"_

        _Goddammit._

      "Are you  _fucking KIDDING ME?"_ Levi erupted out of his bed and turned on the light. His head pounded as he glared down at the both of them.

      Their mouths were frozen, mid-chew on large pieces of jerky.

      "Give me that  _stupid_ jerky." He ripped the bag out of Sasha's hands and chucked it down the stairs and into the darkness. "I've had the  _shittiest_ night of my life, don't fucking PUSH ME...I'll just say this one more time: You two. Kindly go the  _FUCK_ to sleep or I will personally throw each of  _YOU_ down those fucking stairs.  ** _GOT_ _IT?_** "

      They nodded like bobble heads.

      Levi switched off the light and marched over to his bed. He felt his feet step on two separate people as he didn't bother stepping around the sleeping bag.

      The indignant squawks of mild pain were somehow satisfying. 

      As he climbed in to his bed, he ripped back the covers and threw them over himself with a sense of finality. What a night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like Sasha and Connie way too much to kill them! ヾ\ ( ᗒᗣᗕ ) ﾉｼ
> 
> *This scene is an almost verbatim homage to a 'Bed and Breakfast' episode scene from Bob's Burgers. (One of my favorites, if you got the reference, HUZZAH!)
> 
> As usual, feedback is so, so, so, loved. You have no idea! ^u^ I love you guys!


	7. When a Stranger Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanji pays a visit and has some interesting news to share with Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of semester stuff is KICKING MY ASS.

      Sunlight streamed in through the window gloriously. It gently caressed Levi from sleep naturally, allowing his mind to wake up slowly. It filled Levi’s closed eyelids with a rich and vibrant red.  It wasn't the worst way to wake up…except…An irritating sound was ruining Levi’s slow rousal from sleep. Well, aside from Sasha’s real snores. (Which turned out to be more obnoxious than the fake ones.)

      The patter was grating on his half awake mind, already.  It was a rhythmic tapping sort of noise. Quite loud, and quite persistent.  He rolled over face down and put his pillow over his head and groaned. The rapping continued. “….fuck it.” He threw the pillow off his head and sat up. He glanced at his shelf.

      The clock read 6:15 a.m. 

      Levi groaned “oh my god….”

      The rapping continued to pound.  It was someone knocking on the front door.

      ‘Maybe the stock truck?’ He wondered at first, but then. ‘No. That couldn’t be it. Fucker shows up at 5 a.m. on the dot…’ He grunted once and sat up, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. He made a feeble attempt at a stretch, but had to stop midway. “…Fuck…” It was unbelievable how badly his body hurt. He noticed that there were blood stains on his sheets and pillow from his numerous cuts. “…FUCK…” He sighed.

_I can’t deal with this right now._

      He got up and carefully stepped over the giant, snoring burrito at his feet and started down the stairs towards the front door of the shop.

      The knocking grew a bit more rapid.

      “I’m coming, I’m coming…jesus…” Levi rubbed his eye as he reached the stair landing. He looked out across the shop to see who could be making that ungodly noise that early in the fucking morning. 

      The figure stood at the front door, blatantly ignoring the idiotic ‘Closed’ sign.

      “Oh…no.” He almost turned around and went back upstairs, but a squeal that he could hear through the glass of the door, told him that he’d already been spotted.

      The knocking finally stopped, replaced by a bunch of chattering (yelling) that he couldn’t quite understand. The figure outside was animated for it being 6 in the morning.

      ’So much energy.’ He thought, grimly. His aching muscles told him to go lie down. This was not going to be pleasant, but he squared his shoulders (and his jaw) and walked around the counter. He muttered a string of expletives under his breath as he reached the front of the shop and unlocked the door.

      As soon as the lock clicked the bolt away from the slot, the door flew open. The ball of energy came surging into the shop, sweeping him into a massive bear hug. “Levi!!!” It cried. “I have GREAT NEWS!”

      _Fucking Hanji_

      “Yes. Yes. It’s me, and that’s wonderful. Now, let me go before you _kill_ me.”

      Hanji gave him one more squeeze that added additional pain to his already aching ribs and released him, beaming. “Levi! Good morning! You’re in skivvies, haha!”

      “Yes. It is morning.” He frowned.  “What are you doing here?”

      “Hmm?” She was no longer paying attention and had stepped back, her eyes darted all around his body clearly inspecting the various scratches and cuts; the rising sun glinting on her thick glasses. “Ah, you know, you look terrible.” She ended in a very matter of fact tone.

      “Wow, thanks.  I haven’t looked in the mirror yet, today, but that’s the fucking look I was going for. ” His eye-brow twitched. “…and I feel worse than I probably look, so please, Hanji…go away. I need sleep.” He was being rude. Flat out rude. He knew it. He also knew she didn’t care, nor was she likely listening.

      Turns out, it was both. Hanji wasn’t listening to him at all. She grabbed both his arms and examined all the cuts and bruises, ignoring his look of discomfort at his personal bubble being invaded. “These look horrible, Levi!”

      “I’m aware.”

      “How did all these get here?”

      “Long story.” He said flatly, as he looked out the window and scowled.  Debris was scattered about on the lawn outside, blown every which way from the storm. He’d have to clean all that up before he opened the store… _goody..._

      “Uh-huh?” Hanji looked at him with blatantly expectant expectation.  Her bushy hair seemed to bristle even more with excitement.

      Levi just looked back at her.

      “You gonna share with the claaaass?” She wheedled.

      “No.”

      “Come on, Levi! This is some major story material right here. You didn’t just get these in bed, plus I know they’re fresh, so you got ‘em all last night.” She examined the particularly deep cut on his wrist. “Sheesh, what were you doing? Arm wrestling a thorn bush?” She gasped in mock amazement. “Did you LOSE?”

      He jerked his arm away from her. “Yep.” Levi gestured outside. “So, I’d like to get some sleep so I can back to it. Maybe win this time.” He held the door open.

      Hanji was not phased, as usual. She man handled him out of the way and pulled the door closed. “Fine, but really, Levi.” She straitened her glasses on her nose with one finger. “At least, let me patch you up!”

      “Hanji, I can take care of myself.”

      She grinned back at him. “-right, and that bang up job proves it!” She nodded at his wrist, which after his swiping it away from her, had reopened and was leaking blood.

      He winced, but stood his ground. “Hanji, what could you possibly know about treating wounds?”

      “Well, I am a doctor, you know!” She went to grab his arm, but he jerked it out of her reach.

      “You know you aren’t _that_ kind of doctor. A PhD in smelly fish biology a medical degree does NOT make.”

      She waved her hand dismissively. “Bah, details.”

      “Hanji…I’m not a fish.”

      She grinned again. “I know what I’m doing. It won’t hurt, just let me treat them.” She got a glint in her eye, and continued. “Besides, I know you can’t reach all the cuts, Levi. What about the ones you can’t disinfect?” Her grin now looked on par with the Cheshire Cat's. 

      His eyes narrowed. She had an entirely valid point, after all…Damn it all, she knew him incredibly well, and could strike easily where he was weak. ‘Screw Hanji, anyway.’

      She looked back at him, smug, knowing she’d won.

      Levi sighed. Too tired to keep anything else up. “Yeah, sure whatever.”

      She squealed in glee and Levi winced.

      He hissed at her through his teeth. “Keep it down, fucking four-eyes!” He pointed at the stairwell. “Idiots are trying to sleep upstairs.”

      Her reply was almost a whisper. “You have company?” She looked awestruck, but took his arm anyway, and led him over to a chair by the counter.

      “I’ll explain while you patch me up, or whatever.” Levi answered. He plopped in the chair and rolled his head on his stiff neck.

      Hanji disappeared behind the counter. “Don’t spare any details!” He heard her voice coming from underneath. Dangerously near his precious flask nest.

      “What are you doing?” He glared at the top of her bushy ponytail, which was all he could see of her as she rummaged in the shelves.

      “Don’t you have a first aid kit down here?” She peeked out over the counter. “Cuz, this doesn’t count!” She waggled her arm over her head. In her hand, sloshed a precious bottle of Jose Cuervo Especial.

      Levi sat bolt upright. His bloodshot eyes were wide, and he bared his teeth a bit of a snarl. “Cut that shit out!” He spoke with a venomous tone that would have scared most other people away,  tail tucked between their legs. That tequila was special, it was a main constitute of his emergency stash.

      Entirely unfazed, Hanji just waved him off with her other hand. “Fine, fine, touchy!” She placed it back in its nest near the rest of its emergency brethren. “Someone’s on the rag.” She rummaged further.

      Levi sat and sulked.

      “Aha!” The little white box with antiseptic and bandages was pulled out with a flourish. Hanji practically bounced over to him and started cleaning the various cuts. “Now, like I said-“ Her voice took on that creepy tone she got whenever she dissected a live fish. She stuck a cotton ball full of stinging solution right in one of his biggest cuts. “Tell me about your guests.”

      He hissed through his teeth again in pain, and just glared at her.

      “I’m doing you a favor, it’s only fair.” She grinned wider. “You said you would, now, spare no details, Levi.”

\-----

      The job Hanji did was admittedly good. His cuts were all dirt and sand free. The large one on his wrist in particular was well attended to. She’d had to use tweezers to get out half the splinters that had turned out to be in it. (He did not care to ever repeat that painful procedure again) Then, after a vigorous cleaning, she’d used several strips of tape to mock-suture it closed. It hadn’t taken nearly as long as Levi thought that it would. This was especially odd, since, he had let her tend to any scratch or cut that she desired. (As much as he hated to admit it, she was actually very good at first aid.)

      As she’d attended the cuts, he’d told her about the night before.

      He conveniently left out the pier and strange savior incident, as he wasn’t even positive that it hadn’t been a dream.

      Of course she’d grilled him for details. She’d asked why he’d been outside in the middle of the night. He’s said the lightning strike and subsequent thunder had awoken him. Luckily, she’d bought it. Though with a very skeptical face. She’d asked what had become of the tent, and he’d told her about them having to abandon it. She’d asked about the cuts on his head, and he’d said it was the branches and promptly redirected the conversation.

      Hanji could be somewhat in tune with things that made other people blatantly uncomfortable; though upon discovery, usually, this prodded her forward into further wheedling. In this case, however, she was uncharacteristically lenient, and just let it go without any trouble.

      When the last bandage had been applied, Levi was feeling decidedly less annoyed with her. Perhaps even fond.  “Thank-you.” He remarked with a slight wince, as the last bandage was placed on a particularly bad cut on his cheek.

      “Anytime, conpadre!” She beamed back at him. “Call me, beep me, if you wanna reach me-“

      “STOP.” Forget the fondness. She was such a dork.

      “Oh!” She froze. "I forgot! I can’t believe I didn’t tell you this yet!" She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. "Yanno, the whole reason why I came over in the first place, since it’s really important-“

      “Hanji. Get to the point, please.” Levi brought her out of her tangent.  

      “Right, so, I called you this morning, to make sure you were ok after that massive storm.”

      Levi raised an eyebrow. His phone. It’d probably said it was disconnected or no longer in service. “Ok? So I didn’t answer. Your point?"

      She just looked at him with an unreadable expression.

      He gave in. "I admit it, ok? Yeah. I lost my phone. So what?” 

      “That’s just it, the call DID get answered.”

      Levi’s stomach dropped. “What?” That was impossible.

      “Yeah, I knew it wasn't you, though. I figured someone took your phone. How long have you known it was missing?”

      Levi wasn’t sure how to go about this. “A day or so.” He answered carefully.

      “Well, clearly someone found it, but it was really weird…the way they answered, I mean.” She fidgeted with her glasses a bit. “Honestly the guy acted like he barely knew how to use a phone. After a ton of rings, I heard a weird humming noise and then a voice say ‘Hello?’. Then there was a bunch of talking in the background that I couldn’t quite decipher. Then I said ‘Levi?’, cuz you know, you could have had the T.V. on or something. I don’t know what you do at 5 a.m…" She trailed off, looking at him expectantly.

      He didn’t want to indulge the open ended statement. “You called me at 5?” Levi just frowned at her. “I know I have insomnia, but really? That’s just annoying. Jesus,  Hanji, don’t fucking call people that early; you’re like a little kid.” He then shook his head. "Nevermind your pissant calls...that's just great, someone has my phone..." He sighed. "Ok...Then what happened?" He played it bored in tone and expression, but inside he was freaking out. 

_HOW?!_

      How could someone have his phone? It fell in the sound. It was probably on the bottom covered in a layer of mud. This was impossible. 

      Hanji either didn't notice his turmoil, or didn't care. "Right, right, so this voice answers in a very matter of fact way ' _I'm not Levi. I'm-_ ' Then the call dropped, but really! You should have heard them, Levi! This guy sounded almost offended. I'm wondering if some Amish kid picked up your phone, or something-" She was smiling again, coming up with theories was what she did best. 

      "So, you came over to bother me at 6a.m. ...because you think some Amish kid has my phone?" He interjected.

      "Nah! It's way cooler! I had Erwin put a chip in your phone before he gifted it to you. So I was able to triangulate its location after that weird call-"

      "You **_what?_** " He exclaimed. Levi was in complete disbelief on one hand, but on the other...this was Hanji. He should have expected her to do something creepy like that to everyone she knew.

       "-It was for a past experiment that fell through." She waved her hand dismissively.

      "Hanji-" Levi's tone was dark.

      She interrupted him before he could unleash his tirade. "Anywho. I traced its location." She got that manic gleam in her eyes back once more, ignoring the fact that he was pissed. "It's on an uninhabited sand spit island in the middle of the sound. You know the one, a half mile from here?" She indicated the direction with her thumb. "The one with the oysters on the west side that can scrape up a kayak."

      The microchip took a wayside in importance. "That's impossible." 

      "I know! That's what I thought. So I tried a different receptor, but, I got the same result! Its true! All the signals are coming from there." 

      "So some guy (possibly insane, maybe Amish, probably a hermit) has my phone on some god forsaken, tiny-ass, uninhabited, island in the middle of the fucking sound?" He rubbed his sore temples a bit under the gauze. "That's just rich."

      "I thought about checking it out on my way over here, since the bridge is out...but I figured I should stop and see you first." Hanji said with a smile.

      "The bridge?"

      "The storm gave it a whipping. So, they need to do repairs, which is a real shame since it's the only way on and off the island" She paused. "...if you travel by car that is" She finished with a wink.

      "Hanji, you didn't..." He just stared.

      "Yep. I just took ol' Blue out here."

      Levi glanced out the window. Sure enough, her kayak was perched out on the shore. How did he miss that before? He let his eyes become half lidded in annoyance. "Hanji, you shouldn't do that alone. Especially at 5 in the morning." 

      "I know." She looked at her feet. "But Levi, I was really worried about you. Plus, I had to tell you: We investigate tomorrow, got it?" Her head snapped up. She grabbed him in a hug. "Erwin told me this morning, he's gonna get some landscapers to fix up the place, since he figured the storm would mess it up!"

      "Mmmrph-!" Levi's protests were muffled by her military jacket. (Hanji loved the military surplus stores with a passion) He tried to wiggle to get free, but she just hugged tighter.

      "So, he's gonna close the shop for a few days while that happens! We can investigate! It'll be an adventure, like we used to do when we were in high school!" She finally let him go. (and allowed him to wheeze in some air and glare at her)“Oh, by the way, did you get taller?” She inquired, while adjusting her jacket. "Hugging you felt different, today."

      _What? Idiot._ “What?...No, four eyes. That’s moronic.” He took a breath to tell her exactly were to go, but before any sound came out, she spoke up.

      "I'm going to get some things ready for the investigation, and you need your rest."

      "What investigation? You aren't serious-"

      "We're going tomorrow!" She checked her phone. "Geez! Look at the time!" She turned and walked briskly towards the front door. "I'll be back tomorrow at the same time! Be ready, Levi! Pack lunch and water! Oh, and when you inevitably dust off your kayak and clean every cranny, give it some love. I'm sure it misses you as much as we all do."

      Before he could protest, she gave him a quick salute and shut the door.

      He slumped down against the counter and reached for the nearest bottle in his emergency stash. "...goddammit..."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3 as usual, feedback is adored...as are all who read. Ilu!


	8. Going on an Adventure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi sets out with Hanji, much to his chargrin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, sorry, sorry. I know, its been MONTHS, FUCK, I have no excuse. I've been having a HORRID writing block, and my Dragon Program is also not working atm. I'll do my best to get back up to updating.

      Levi spent the remainder of his time in the chair sulking. He watched across the sound as construction cranes moved new and ruined pieces of bridge from one place to another, squinting into the morning light with a sneer. Little ant people skittered around scaffolding that lined the wind-battered edges, each with eager purpose, but making little progress.

      It looked like it would take a few days before the bridge was going to be fit for cars to drive on it. This little tidbit was actually quite good news, if only for Levi. No bridge for a few days meant there wouldn’t be any _tourists_ for a few days. It also meant there would be no Petra coming to bother him.

_As always…Small victories._

      He smirked.

\------------------------------

 

      Half an hour later, Levi still sat in the chair, he continued to be entranced by the bridge construction across the sound;  he felt a good deal more relaxed. (He had drained the bottle of Jose Cuervo. Because this was a goddamn emergency.) His night had been a horrid one of epic proportions, and his morning had fucking bad news Hanji in it. In his slight stupor he had, in earnest, tried to think of ways to get out of the Hanjiana Jones expedition that she had planned.

      The more he thought about it, though, the more he’d realized that the whole idea was futile.  Levi could see it and hear it in his mind. Hanji would winge and whine and bother him to no end until he would agree. It was just the way she was, she knew that force never worked on him. He’d just close up and walk away. But if you whittled away at his patience long enough, he’d most likely give in, even if it was to sabotage (or at least attempt…the sabotage often sadly failed) the plans/exploration in revenge.

      He couldn’t outsmart her, or Erwin for that matter. He could probably win a bet if he put money on the fact that Hanji ran the whole plan by Erwin at 5am. (He flicked his snake bite every so often with his tongue.) He hated to admit that, but it was true. Both she and Erwin were far better at thinking tactically and manipulatively than he was. It was how they’d finagled him into their sound explorations and other shenanigans when they were younger; and it was how they got him to do whatever would amuse them both now.

_Assholes._

     There was just no getting around it. He’d have to go tomorrow. He sighed. He’d have to stretch out a good deal today, otherwise tomorrow was going to be too painful to bear.

      A loud snore from upstairs had him wrinkling his nose in disgust. It also reminded him that Sasha and Connie were still occupying his room, i.e. he couldn’t get drunk and pass out down in the shop.  (There would definitely be some judgments sent his way.)  Levi grumbled and got up from the chair. As he passed the hermit crab cage, he switched the little lamp off, and let the natural sunlight work its magic on them.  He then crossed the room over to the entry way and grabbed the random articles of clothing that the sleeping pair had left to dry on their respective hooks.

      He felt the fabric between his fingers. Connie’s jeans were still damp, but Sasha’s cargo shorts were good to go, as were both their shirts. He refused to touch their underwear, they’d have to decide if they were suitable all on their own.

      He started back up the stairs, feeling only a bit wobbly from the tequila. He looked at each step with a measure of disdain and winced a bit after he had scaled the last step.

      His back and neck were killing him. Both his right, and left, shoulder ached every time he so much as thought about moving his arms. His legs had protested every step. It was ridiculous. ‘ _Christ, I might as well have been hit by a bus.’_

      When was the last time he’d been this sore? He couldn’t remember. Probably not since college, he did most of his crazy shit to his body back then.  _Good times._ Levi stepped over the snoring burrito, though he gave serious contemplation to flat out kicking it. (No human should ever be able to make those sounds.)  He walked into his little kitchenette and turned on the hot plate.

      While it heated, he retrieved three mugs from inside one of the cabinets. He grabbed a small box of black tea from a shelf for his own cup. With a glance at the two sleeping idiots, he then knew what he’d make them. He grabbed a tin of cocoa (ovaltine) from the bottom shelf and two small packs of instant coffee.

      Personally, Levi was not that big on coffee, he just kept it on hand in case Mikasa decided to visit, and subsequently stay the night. (It happened often enough, and she was terrifying without her morning coffee fix.) He smiled a bit and filled the kettle with water, the sound of the rushing liquid was a bit soothing, despite what a sound full of it had almost done to him last night.

      After he had placed the kettle on the hot plate, he leaned against the counter and waited for it to boil. He looked at his reflection on the kettle’s shiny steel surface.

      “Well, goddamn…” He’d whispered to himself, out of surprise more than anything else.

       He looked absolutely terrible. He had such dark bags under each eye, that he might as well have had two black eyes. His skin looked grey, waxy, and far too pale (even more so than normal, which really wasn’t saying all that much), he could see most of his veins without too much effort. He pulled down on each cheek and examined his eyes.

      They were both bloodshot, incredibly so, it looked like he’d hot boxed for two hours. (If only) He felt the freshly bandaged cuts on his face. At least those were shallow and would heal quickly; he knew his face wouldn’t be covered in medical tape tomorrow for the ‘investigation’. That would’ve just been insufferable…as if Hanji wasn’t going to be insufferable enough.

      Levi took a deep breath to sigh roughly in mild frustration and then immediately regretted it. His sigh became a soft hiss of pain. His diaphragm itself was sore, his ribs, and what felt like his very lungs, themselves, ached. He roughly rubbed at his ribcage in primitive instinct-hopes of it helping; and honestly, it did. A little bit. But not much. “Fuck’s sakes…” he murmured.

      The gentle whistle of the kettle brought him back to the task at hand. He glanced at the spout, and found that the steam was indeed rushing out. “Alright…” with a swift hand (albeit a bit clumsy, _drunk_ ) Levi opened the drawer on the counter and pulled out his favorite pot holder.

      It had been a gift from Hanji years and years ago, and it was perfect for holding kettles. Not much else. He didn’t really want other people to see it, since it was weird; nor did he want Hanji to discover that he actually liked it. This was mostly on account of the bizarre design of a huge conger eel wrapping its way around the cloth in a ribbon pattern. Its large teeth were positioned where one would use the pot holder to actually grip a hot item. A gag gift, and quite silly, though Levi had always liked the aesthetics of eels; and he enjoyed hot tea even on the worst of days, so it was perfect.

      Hanji  knew both of these factors. She really could do wonders as a friend at times, with her inquisitive nature and bubbly personality. (when she wasn’t being a pain in the ass)

      Levi took hold of the kettle handle with the pot holder and poured the boiling water into the three separate cups. For Sasha and Connie, he added the instant coffee and ovaltine, essentially making them (shitty, instant) mochas, humming a bit to himself as he stirred the hot liquid. He grabbed a black chai teabag from the box he kept, and began steeping the tea.

      He watched the dark, tea stained liquid erupt from within the bag and begin swirling around in the mug like water colour.  It was beautiful. Truly. He waited for the colour to even out as he lifted the bag gently, in and out of the water.

      Once the tea was a perfect dark amber, he deemed it complete. Levi preferred his tea strong, and without milk or honey. (If people wanted to drink weak-ass, piss water with sugar and lactose, let them.) He brought the mug up close to his face and took a gentle whiff. The steam filled his nostrils with the delightful scent of tea leaves and spice. He then lowered the cup and blew gently on the surface of the liquid before taking a contented sip. The tea warmed his cold bones and countenance, and allowed him to loosten up a bit. He relaxed his shoulders a bit and ceased his trade mark frown for a moment.

      His moment was then ruined completely as a noise only comparable to a bear sneezing had him frowning and tensing up immediately.  “Sasha!” He glared at the burrito on the floor. “Connie!” He padded softly over to the snoring mass and without any ceremony, gave it a swift kick.

      The burrito ceased snoring with a massive snort. Sasha poked a sleepy eye out. An angry and confused one. “Ow! Shit! What was-“ Her eyes widened for a moment. The memory of the storm obviously dawned on her. She relaxed upon spotting Levi hovering over the sleeping bag. “Good morning, Levi..” She said with a massive yawn. She rubbed one eye with her fist as Connie made his own presence known with an equally loud yawn.

      “Hey, Levi. Morning already, huh?” Connie stretched one arm awkwardly over his head like a monkey.

      “Yes. It is.” Levi gave both of them a flat expression accompanied by an abrupt about-face. He strode back over into the kitchen rubbing his shoulder. “ Hope you two like mocha.”

       Sasha perked up in an instant. “Yeah, yeah, I do!”

       “What about you, Teller. You like mocha?” Levi tilted his head at Connie, which was, as was every movement his body made that that morning, a mistake. _Ow._ It twinged enough for his eyes flicker just a bit. Sasha and Connie didn’t notice.

      Connie just grinned. “I’m man enough to admit that I like winter lady drinks.”

      Levi rolled his eyes, which just served to make Connie’s grin all the wider. “Right then.” With a careful hand Levi added just a small amount of suger to both mugs. Using his trusty Eel mit, he poured a bit more of the steaming water from the kettle to melt the extra sugar. He grabbed a clean spoon from the nearest drawer (one of four to his name, thus he was down to two clean spoons), and stirred the sweet granules in. After the mocha and sugar mix in each mug was stirred, he passed the drinks to Sasha and Connie with a sigh. 

 

 

\----------------------

 

      

     Sasha and Connie each stood on the lawn in front of the shop, the sunset casting long shadows behind them. They were at a standstill, neither warrior had yet to land an attack...but not for long.

       Not if Sasha had anything to say about it. She tucked a wild strand of brown hair back from her face as the wind whipped about the shore. "Get ready, Connie! Face the terror and pain of my  _SIGNATURE MOVE!"_ Without further ado, Sasha pounced through the air and aimed a kick right at Connie's stomach.

      At first, Connie was panicked that he would lose, until he slipped on a large patch of wind blown seaweed, causing him to careen out of her path. After lurching out of the way, Connie grinned at Sasha in glee, the setting sun glinting off his teeth. "Muahaha! Nice try, grasshopper!" He crouched low. "You are too unskilled to face an opponent of my caliber!"

      "Oh yeah?!" Sasha grinned back prepared to leap again.

      "YEAH!" Connie shouted and charged to break her defenses.

      The evening air rang with the horrific sounds of their battle to the death.

      Levi, busy getting the last of the dust out of his kayack, looked up at the spectacle before him. _They're like children._  How could they be having so much fun, doing something so completely idiotic? He rolled his eyes. It was beyond him.Either way, they hadn't done any actual work in a solid hour... Mostly they had just played that dumb ninja game on the bank of the sound. "Ok, Penn, Teller, listen up." 

      The pretend martial arts fight opponents in front of him didn't even notice his order, and the "battle" continued.

      "OY! IDIOTS! LISTEN UP!" Levi shouted with a grimace. Yelling hurt the shit out of his throat. He put the cloth he had been wiping the kayak with, down on the seat.

      Both Sasha and Connie froze in their ridiculous Kung-Fu Panda-esque movie poses and turned their eyes on him, squinting into the orange light.

      Levi coughed a little and cleared his throat. "Right, now that I have your attention, how ever short that span may be..." (goldfish length) He rubbed his throat a bit. "You two need to head home."

     Connie dropped his pose with slumped shoulders. "Come on, Levi! We can help clean up the yard-"

     "We could chat! Have a snack, maybe dinner-" Sasha chimed in.

     Levi rubbed the bridge of his nose. "No, no, no. You've helped plenty." This wasn't a lie, really, and not entirely sarcasm either, for that matter. While they had been goofing off a lot, Sasha and Connie had proved quite helpful in cleaning up all the sand they had tracked in to the shop, plus they'd helped clear the yard out a bit. They had enough energy for ten people, and somehow, Levi had managed to get them to focus an hour or two of that energy into something productive. _Small motherfucking miracles._ (Magnets, how do they work?) He smirked mid-thought. "Besides. The last hour and a half, _I've_ been cleaning up this shit heap, and you guys have just been messing around. Connie didn't you say your parents had Pizza night on Mondays anyway?" He let that sink in. "...and they ALWAYS invite you and Sasha?"

      "Ahhhh..." Sasha's eyes went a bit glassy. 

      " Well, that settles it, I guess, Levi!" Connie said with a chuckle. "You know, I don't think my folks will even believe this whole story, though. They'll probably tell me to tone it down with my video games or something." He tilted his head a bit. "Maybe the reaction will go better over pizza, though. Come one Sasha, lets get our stuff into the Trooper." He needn't have finished his sentence. Before Connie or Levi had even had time to blink, Sasha had already dashed ahead and began gathering their belongings. "Sasha! No! Don't put my camera under all the camping stuff! You'll squish it!" Connie trotted over and began reorganizing the haphazard camping supplies and recording equipment.

      Meanwhile Sasha buckled herself in and waited impatiently, her mouth in a flat line. 

      After everything was settled Connie backed the Trooper out of the parking lot, and gave a good bye honk. As the car pulled out onto the road, Levi watched Sasha and Connie give him a big wave goodbye. He groaned inwardly and gave them a small wave in return and went back to cleaning his kayak.

 

\-------------------

 

      As she had promised, Hanji showed up the following morning at 6a.m. on the dot.

      As Levi had promised in turn, he was hell bent on not going. Upon being awoken by her persistent knocking, he had rolled over and put his pillow back over his head, cursing every name for her he could think of.      

      After knocking on the door for a solid five minutes, as usual, Hanji had gotten creative. She had a whole lock picking set in her jacket, and had put it to use swiftly, and effortlessly. Upon (breaking) and entering, she had dashed up the stairs and began getting Levi packed up for the expedition.

      "GOOD MORNING LEVI!" She had crowed.

      When Levi had peeked out from under his pillow in disbeleif, she gave him a four fingered wave.

      He imminently went back into hiding.

      Despite the growls and warnings from the lump in the bed "- and don't fucking touch my things, Shitty-Glasses!", Hanji had successfully opened every drawer, cabinet, and trunk (he had one under his bed), and found everything necessary for their trip out on the sound. She had packed him a small bag, earlier, it was already out in her kayak, but she figured he'd need some extra clothes and such. With the bag packed, there had only been one thing left to do. Get Levi up and ready.

      It had taken her a while of prodding, but she had even eventually gotten Levi out of bed. The only casualty had been the the side of her head. Levi had thrown a pot at her after seeing the mess she had made of his apartment. Though, to be fair, it wouldn't have even hit her if she hadn't been distracted; that is, by playing puppet with that oven mit she had gotten him years ago. 

     Within ten minutes, both were out on the shore. 'I should have fucking barricaded the door.' Levi thought as Hanji had tucked him into his kayak. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we FINALLY GET TO MEET EREN IN PERSON!!!!!....dun, DUN DUUUUN!!! Writing their interactions is actually really fun, and I sure hope you guys enjoy it.
> 
> Anywho...
> 
> Hopefully now that I'm back in action, updates will become regular again, yeah? Maybe. I sure hope so.  
> Feedback gives me a reason to write though, and certainly gets my butt in gear. *wink wink* *nudge nudge* *poke poke* *jab jab* *shakes you like a Polaroid picture*

**Author's Note:**

> Boom Shaka Laka!


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